Dead Melodies - Fabled Machines Of Old

Cryo Chamber: 2021

I haven't been back to Tom Moore's project for a while, and it's not for a lack of interest. Okay, maybe a little, his albums seemingly often getting into territory Atrium Carceri treads, mostly explorations of old civilizations and such. Which hey, I'm down for on occasion, but I tend to favour such sojourns when we're seeing some future-tech involved as well, which is why Sabled Sun hits my sweet spot more than Simon Heath's other works. Dead Melodies doesn't really go that way though, so you understand why half a decade passed before I wanted to check out another album from him.

Check that. Less than a year went by from when I reviewed Primal Destinations and this one dropped, but it was a long while before I went back to the Cryo Chamber fold. As for why this one, well, just look at the cover. Now that's some future-tech I can get behind! What even are those? Marauding machinery? Wandering harvesters?

Whatever the case, my mind is already aflutter with images of trekking through rural environments long abandoned by whatever advanced peoples lived there. Or maybe they're still functioning, relentlessly going about their business unknowing and uncaring of what their purpose once was, only content that they can continue doing it until the gears of their machinery finally give in to entropy. Makes me wonder if the bots and A.I. flooding our social medias will continue shit-talking to each other long after we've gone the way of the dodo, a forever flamewar for no future.

Anyhow, there's a lot more acoustic guitar strumming in Fabled Machines Of Old compared to the other Dead Melodies albums I covered. There were some melodic elements in those records, true, but Tom was more focused on the cinematic drone aspects of his compositions there. When a piece like Nightrunners features field recordings of crackling fire while a guitar gently plays with orchestral swells in support, you really get a sense of being out and about wandering woods and traversing fields. Preferably at night, when said fabled machines of old won't so easily detect you.

Speaking of, Simon does pop up as Atrium Carceri for a couple tracks, lending some industrial clank and grind to the decaying pastoral setting, a 'comforting' reminder of the menace lurking about. As if that wasn't enough, Northumbria drops in On Crimson Water for a little layered, atonal, wall-of-noise string action, as if things weren't bleak enough. Mostly though, its Dead Melodies' show, flitting between sombre reflective moods, tranquil field recordings, ominous drones, and, as a gentle reminder of the humanity remains, post-rock guitar ambience.

Not the most uplifting album, then. Sometimes though, its the small things that can keep the spirit afloat, and Fabled Machines Of Old excels in finding those in its repeated return to a simple guitar strum. A lone soul of humanity standing firm in the face of mechanisms running unattended and amok. Oh yeah, that's those Sabled Sun feels.

Utada - Exodus

Island Records: 2004

I covered the two Japanese albums that bookend Utada's first foray into American markets, so why not the actual project as well? Even if I don't have the greatest familiarity with her general work, the story behind Exodus is worth at least a couple paragraphs of discourse, right? Sure, which I honestly kinda' covered in those previous reviews of Deep River and Ultra Blue. What else is there left for me to say? Well, what kind of music is actually on the record, so there's that.

Still, a little refresher is in order. Sensing an international starlet on his roster, Island Records CEO Lyon Cohen signed Hikaru to his label for an American-made album. Two problems though: one, J-pop never had any appeal in America, so Hikaru would have to change her style some to accommodate a different audience. Okay, that's not a huge deal, Deep River showing some Western R&B influences anyway, so the transition could be easy. Just assign some top-tier producers to the project to guide her on her way and what do you mean she's gonna' do all the music herself? That's not how things are done in America, yo'! Okay, if you have a ton of industry clout, sure, but someone making their debut in a new land? What do you think you are, big in Japan?

Even more so, I sense that, in having a fresh audience, Hikaru saw it as an opportunity to break free of conventional pop song-writing her first run of albums had. Push boundaries, get a little experimental, explore other facets of genres. This isn't just speculation, some songs on Exodus explicitly detailing how she wants to crossover styles of music, creating a melting pot and all that. Or those lyrics are just clumsy metaphors for sex, mixing 'gene pools' and all. Considering some of the other lyrics on here, maybe so.

I've mentioned in the past my primary hurdle in getting into all these Japanese artists remains the language barrier, but as this is a totally English record, that shouldn't be the case. Thing is, I can't help but get a twinge of cringe over lines like “You're easy breezy / And I'm Japaneezy”, or constantly referring to American guys she hooks up with in clubs as cowboys (this is the last kind of music you'll hear rancher dudes listening to, much less hanging out at urban clubs). Being a sultry seductress hunting on the town really isn't a lane Utada meshes comfortably with, and no amount of Timbaland production can hide that.

Okay, he really only produces a couple tunes, Exodus '04 and Let Me Give Your Love, and they're honestly some of the better cuts on here. Tracks like Tippy Toe and The Workout show some influence from him, if not direct input. There's a fair bit of interesting production on here, even if it doesn't all land. Which it apparently didn't, at least enough to get much attention in America. Still did gang-busters in Japan, because of course it would.

Antares - Exodus

Suntrip Records: 2011

What a curious year Suntrip had in 2011. Only three items came out on the label, none of which were a compilation, and two of which featured debuting artists that would barely release anything after. Well, okay, Artifact303 did re-emerge a decade later, but this Antares, not a single thing. It's like he had an itch to try his hand at that emergent new goa trance thing, put out a few tracks on some comps, made enough original tunes for a proper full-length, then basically ditched the scene thereafter. Did he just find it wanting? Felt his talents were better parlayed in metal bands? Something along those lines, I guess, but for whatever reason, the year 2011 was hexed for whoever Suntrip was pushing as fresh talent. Man, good thing E-Mantra was already well established by that point, eh?

You know what would have made this even more remarkable? If Exodus was just as awesome as Back To Space was. It's not, but then that album still ranks among the upper crust of what I've heard out of Suntrip thus far, with very little knocking it from that podium. Exodus is good enough, for sure, but man, that would just be the right all dickens if somehow the label had pulled that off in 2011 as well. (I'm assuming Pathfinder will be dope, just in a dependable E-Mantra sort of way)

Anyhow, Simon Helix shows solid fundamentals of 'getting' goa trance in this debut, which is remarkable considering he was still just a teen when he wrote this. In a way though, that's kinda' what holds Exodus back from being an all-timer, settling in that 'above average' zone many of Suntrip's releases dwell in the general psy trance scene. If you like neo-goa that doesn't muss and fuss with complications, these tunes will go down easy-peasy into your earholes. Heck, I'll go and say that it's what helps make this one of the more enjoyable sessions of psy I've endured on this comprehensive label dive, even if there isn't much here I'll actually recall later. I know calling music 'vanilla' is often used as a criticism, but sometimes you just want that inoffensive flavour tickling your tastebuds. I'll even be generous in giving Exodus a Vanilla Bean Seal Of Approval!

The titular opener offers more of a prog-psy groove, a solid mood setter that wouldn't sound out of place on an Altar Records collection. Off to the races after that, treading the same lane as Ra of new and Astral Projection of old. Squiggly synths, cosmic vibes, squelchy acid, the usual assortment of sounds. And of course I ended up liking Astral Plane the most out of this bunch, the sort of track you'd likely have found on a Hypnotic CD rather than the usual Distance To Goa fare. Closer Sun Sanctuary brings the party back to the prog-psy pace, book-ending Exodus in a fine fashion. Yep, everything wrapped in a nice, tidy bow. So, who's playing next?

Tineidae - Exo

Cryo Chamber: 2020

Not that Cryo Chamber left the sci-fi side of dark ambient on the sidelines – indeed, it was Simon Heath's Sabled Sun project that helped kick the label off – but it wasn't a primary focus for much of its early years. For whatever reason though, this decade saw quite the expansion of exposure for the sub-genre within. Maybe he's just a fan of the YouTube channel DUST, featuring all sorts of sci-fi shorts? I definitely could see some of the Cryo's output soundtracking a few of those vids, heck maybe even inspiring some. That Solundenia from Skrika, for instance. Good God, what nightmare fuel that would create.

Pavlo Storonsky flitted about a few genres in his early days as Tineidae, his first couple albums on Tympanik Audio of Lights and Shadows running through as much synthwave, dubstep and IDM as anything ambient leaning. Not entirely unexpected, those some of the more influential styles of music in the early '10s as he was coming up. For sure there was a dystopian lean to his works, but nothing to suggest he'd take a full turn to the cinematic drone side. Then he took a break for half a decade, re-emerging with Slowly Drown In Static, a total shift to cinematic drone and ambient. Sounds like a 'proof-of-concept' in getting chummy with the Cryo crew, where he's mostly resided since (a plethora of self-released items notwithstanding).

As far as sci-fi concepts go, Exo is surprisingly straight-forward, and doesn't really get into much cosmic horror. Whether as a scout ship or a salvage crew, you've come across a derelict star cruiser, its history a mystery. For sure something terrible happened here, and as you're wandering its empty corridors, you piece together what might have happened – some sort of struggled ensued. Most of of the 'why' and 'how' is inconsequential for your purposes though, more focused on gathering whatever useful materials and data you can before leaving behind the rest of this abandoned mass of metal. There's a cruel irony that whatever the former inhabitants of this vessel endured is rendered down to nothing more than a passing thought.

Still, the music within isn't all doom and gloom, in that there's actual melody that will latch onto your brain, not just atonal mood atmosphere and creepy sound effects. Opener Blacklight Trail could be a film theme in of itself, the rousing string and ominous choir pads doing a wonderful job establishing mood and tone for what your in for. And goodness, featured twinkly arp synths for Patterns In the Sky? How often does Cryo Chamber go that ultra-melodic?

There's still plenty of ominous and menacing sounds on display, but often tempered with subtle musical moments too (synthwave arps in Battle Scars, overbearing synths in Stars So Bright, My Eyes Hurt). Things slowly tapering off to reflective following Reconnection, reaching final track Epilogue on a suitable contemplative note. It's a surprising amount of feelings for a record mostly about salvage work.

Function - Existenz

Tresor: 2019

David Sumner didn't need to join Sandwell District, already having a modestly successful career in techno for nearly a decade. It certainly gave him a significant boost in profile though, and when the conglomerate disbanded, he had plenty of buzz going for him in where he'd take his Function project next. A proper debut album on Ostgut Ton apparently, which was probably the most obvious thing he could have done at the time. But hey, fair play, the Berghain label about the hottest thing around, and a long supporter of the Sandwell sound before it truly took off. Following that, he did a collaborative work with Vatican Shadow, then got all chummy with Speedy J's boutique vinyl label Stoor.

Which I'm sure was fun for a spell, cutting lathe records live and all, but hardly anyone's ever gonna' play those. Sometimes you just want to make some music that will actually get heard. He must have had a fair bit of material percolating in his head during those Stoor years, as when he finally did emerge from that, he dropped nothing less than a double-LP on one of the longest running German techno prints in existence, Tresor. Hey, is that where David got the title for the album? Mm, yeah, no...

Anyhow, this is a dope-ass album. Overstuffed a little, y'say? Well, if you prefer some styles of techno over others, there's a small argument there. Like, if you just wanted a collection of clubbing tools, then the more experimental pieces like Ertrinken, Zahlensender and Alphabet City may not be up your alley. Or you're so absolutely done with Berghain minimal, you never want to hear it ever again, then sure, you could leave Vampir on the floor. Having a Robert Owens feature strikes you as nothing more than a decades old nostalgia gimmick? Fine, you can skip Be, if that's how you feel. All are valid reasons to critique Existenz, but personally, I'm all for the diversity.

Primarily though, it's that vintage Detroit retro-future techno that dominates, the first disc with the downbeat options, CD2 featuring stronger rhythms. Sometimes it goes trancier (Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Distant Paradise), sometimes housier (Growth Cycle, Be), sometimes electroier (Kurzstrecke, Nylon Mood), sometimes vintage Detroitier (Pleasure Discipline, Golden Dawn, Interdimensional Interferenc), and sometimes even ravier. Yes, the breakbeats in No Entidendes pushes that one into rave territory to me – nothing robotic about those drums – while Downtime 161's about as blatant a 'feel the gurn for a dozen minutes' tune as I've ever heard. See, something for everyone!

While this album is half a decade old now (!), I do hope it helps prove the modern LP format is better served offering diversity rather than a run of tracks mostly doing the same thing over and over. Not that I mind having a few items in my collection that do so (oh hi, Planetary Assault System!), but for a couple decades there, too many techno records seemed to forget that.

N:L:E - Ethereal Land

Liquid Frog Records: 2021

Another N:L:E mini-album with four self-titled tracks, but surprisingly not part of an ongoing series. Or maybe the various [Blank] Land items in Mr. Giacovino's discography are a series in of itself? I've already done an Uncharted Land - heck, basically kicked his catalogue off on that one. There's also Wetlands, Mushroom Land, Fungus Land, and even Yaghan's Land and Land Of Fire, over on the Yahgan side-project. Lot of Lands, is what I'm sayin'. Which would have made for a handy 'cheat' if they were all titled Land Of instead. Could have consolidated everything into one lump of a review, like all those Caravan Of Healing Sounds. Oh, you bet your bottom dollar I'm gonna' do the same with a few more series scattered about the Natural Life Essence catalogue. Gotta' cut corners wherever I can with so many odds n' sods.

Ethereal Land is pretty much a stand-alone though, which is surprising in of itself. Juan Pablo hasn't shown much hesitation in dropping sequels to these short-form concept albums, especially when each track is self-titled and numerical. Even some of his earliest works like Emerged Garden and Wetlands have seen follow-ups in the time since I bulk-bought everything off Bandcamp. Which was, what, a year and half ago now? Huh, doesn't feel a week over fifteen months. That isn't to say he won't come back to the Ethereal Lands at some point, I'm just surprised he hasn't yet. Maybe he felt all that was worth tapping into this concept was fully explored in this singular session?

Wouldn't surprise me, as a generally ambient excursion, Ethereal Land isn't charting terribly different sonic avenues as I've heard in so many other N:L:E outings. I'm actually more surprised it is so strictly an ambient one, most of Juan Pablo's outings under this banner typically featuring some dubby beatcraft among all the layered synth pads. Then again, having any sort of rhythm section would likely clumsily contrast with the whole concept of ethereal music in the first place, so just as well he didn't bother with it.

And what sort of ethereal soundscapes do we get to indulge in this four-tracker? Ethereal Land 1 gets heavy with the field recordings, distant synth tones lazily doodling about, more prominent pings and pulses piercing the tranquil state of things. Ethereal Land 2 does have more momentum going for it, the bell tones approaching something actually rhythmic while voice pads ebb and flow for a while. After that, it's similar territory as 1. Ethereal Land 3 almost entirely does away with melodic harmony, letting the water-logged field recordings do the heavy lifting as the subtlest of drones do their thing in the background. Ethereal Land 4, meanwhile, jettisons the field recordings in favour of layered synth pads and sci-fi sounds. Yep, it's the ol' 'leaving terra firma for upper astral' play again. Seems to be a running theme for many of these N:L:E sessions. Can't blame 'im tho', an effective ambient concept as it is.

Kiphi - Eternal Molecule

Liquid Frog Records: 2020

Oh, wow, a side-project from the Giacovino family that I don't have to submit to Discogs! Yeah, there were already a number of Natural Life Essence items within the Lord's tomes before I started adding a bunch more, but all the other aliases like Yaghan or H:U:M or Spiritual Fields? Forget it. For the most part, Kiphi's fallen under that banner too, but lo', this solo 'debut' from Jose was already in the database, which saves me the hassle of doing the deed myself.

Eh, why am I even bothering with such a time-consuming process as archiving the entirety of Liquid Frog Records' catalogue? Shouldn't Juan Pablo take care of that business? Well, maybe, but remember, I have this 'thing' where I'll only review something if it has an entry with Lord Discogs. If I must submit the release myself to maintain that standard, then I must, even if it's one as extensive as this one's turned out. Still, I cannot deny, had to cheat a little on that Caravan Of Healing Sounds series, in that I totally skipped adding any at all. Maybe I will, latter in life, when I have nothing better to do, but yeah, not really in a hurry to start on that. There's plenty other N:L:E releases to deal with than a dozen long-form ambient pieces.

Which Eternal Molecule definitely is not. Before I realized Kiphi was a different Giacovino, I still noticed the project paired with N:L:E brought something slightly unique to the music, mostly in the way of arps. This album was released shortly after the consolidation of Between Dreams Or Reality, the first one standing apart from Juan Pablo's contributions. If Jose was gonna' make his mark, this was the prime opportunity to do so. Something that couldn't be mistaken for another Natural Life Essence joint.

He succeeded there, though only in the slimmest of margins. Folks unfamiliar with the nuances of downtempo music likely wouldn't notice (or care) how the music on Eternal Molecule skews slightly more psy dub than ambient dub compared to the bulk of Liquid Frog releases. For yours truly though, it was enough of a difference such that I was more engaged with Kiphi's material than I have been with much of N:L:E's works as of late. Over-saturation of a particular artist's style tends to do that.

There's noticeable elements reminding you these are still tracks produced in the same studio and emerged from similar creative processes, just performed in a different way. Don't think I've heard a digital vocal sample manipulated this groovy in opener Temple Of The Sun, for instance. Or a downbeat acid jam flirt this closely to vintage Delerium as heard in Ulthar. The more ambient pieces though, like Beyond Thoughts and Holistic Source, while nice, don't deviate much from other N:L:E works.

One thing did catch me by surprise though, something I heard little obvious reliance on: arps! Eternal Molecule's kinda' better for it, too.

Afgin - Eternal Freedom

Suntrip Records: 2021

Speaking of artists who dropped an album during Suntrip's formative era, then seemingly disappeared for a decade after, here's Afgin again. True, he emerged at the tail-end of that first wave, but releasing Astral Experience around the same time Filteria and E-Mantra were releasing records ain't nothing to sneeze at. Merr0w too, I guess, Born Underwater's mermaid forever etched into the annals of unique Suntrip covers. (don't know anything about Radical Distortion's Psychedelic Dreams - the 'P's are still a long ways down in my current queue).

Okay, comparing Afgin to Khetzal is silly, and it's not like Elad was as quiet as Matthieu throughout the 2010s. True, Emotional Peaks was quite the departure from neo-goa, instead getting its toes wet with regular ol' progressive trance, what with the breakdowns and diddly piano bits and basslines that have actual chord progressions, not just key changes. Look, I like you, goa trance, I really do, but man, you could use more dynamism in your low-ends, even just once. I mean, it works for the prog-psy guys, so why not you?

Anyhow, whether Emotional Peaks was intended as a deliberate appeal to the Trance Family that failed, or just a passing fancy on Afgin's part, it cannot be denied that it curtailed whatever production momentum he had entering the '10s. He pretty much spent the rest of the decade on the DJ circuit, which is where he probably would have stayed had a pesky little pandemic not interrupted the clubbing sector something fierce. Can't tour festivals for a spell? Welp, may as well hunker down in a studio and crank out a few tunes, see where the inspiration takes you, and wouldn't you know it, there's a whole album's worth here. Maybe give the Suntrip lads a call, whether they're interested in some more material.

Right, I'm just forming conjecture based on little more than what Lord Discogs tells me. Still, it's funny how all these seemingly dormant neo-goa artists suddenly re-emerged at the turn of the '20s.

That all said, is Afgin's Eternal Freedom any good? Well, I like it better than his Astral Experience, if that helps. Not that I felt his first Suntrip CD was bad or anything, but it didn't really leap out at me as anything more than an Astral Projection nod, fairly standard fare as far as retro-goa acts were concerned. This one has that too, with plenty of acid to spare, but holy cow, th'ar be basslines here! It's like Elad's taken the best elements of his progressive trance tunes, and fused them with your regular wiggly, squiggly, ultra-punchy psychedelic Suntrip stylee. Chord progressions, oh so sweet chord progressions!

Okay, it's not in every track, acid-drenched goa still the dominant strain of trance we're hearing here. Still, if you don't mind a little of the classic progressive in your diet, final track Reaching Sunrise is a tasty morsel to end on, plucky synth breakdown and all. Reach for those lasers, crusties!

Khetzal - Etamines

Suntrip Records: 2021

Mr. Chamoux's debut wasn't just hailed as an instant classic for the psy scene at large, but a defining statement for a new breed of vintage goa trance, cementing Suntrip Records' status as the label if you wanted more. So, y'know, absolutely no pressure at all in providing a follow-up. Fans eagerly waited, and waited, and waited, and... Y'know what, mates? I think he ain't gonna' do it. What's he doing, pulling a Burial on all of us? Well, even the post-dubstep artist released enough EP material following Untrue for a double-LP once consolidated. All Matthieu managed following Corolle were sporadic compilation tracks, keeping the name out there, while dashing expectations in the process. Keep 'em hungry, but not anticipating.

Then, kinda' out of the blue during the Lockdown Years, here's Etamines, a sophomore effort sixteen years in the making. Okay, not that long, but officially the time between it and Corolle. For perspective, the birth of goa trance to his debut is a shorter gap than both Khetzal albums. What's even funnier is the genre had gone through so many variations up to 2005 that tracks on Corolle were considered retro, whereas on Etamines, general consensus is “yep, it's more neo-goa”.

Which had to be expected, right? Like, it's pretty rare any artist gets to define a new micro-genre, much less do it again (Aphex Twin aside). I doubt folks expected Khetzal would create another nu-retro strain of psy, but where exactly could he go that still sounded fresher than his contemporaries when hailed as The Next Great Hope was never part of the exercise? As said, the Burial Problem.

The fascinating thing about Corolle is when you get down to it, the album was still very much a product of its time. Yeah, there was some blistering ol' school goa trance on there the likes that hadn't been heard for an age, but it was book-ended by prog psy tunes that wouldn't have sounded out of place on an Ultimae collection back when. That diversity is what gave it such lasting appeal. Etamines, on the other hand, does that typical Suntrip Records thing of hitting things hard right out the gate, maybe upping the tempo a little as things move along, but mostly just giving slight variations on the same basic formula front to back.

Only Didge Voices breaks things up some, a second-to-last track that slows the tempo a little to prog-psy levels over the brisk goa before. Everywhere else, there's acid, there's ethnic melodies, there's squiggly synths and soaring climaxes. As I said, standard Suntrip stuff, just a little heavier on the vintage goa.

Still, I can't say this was a disappointment. It's not like I was personally waiting sixteen years for this to come out or anything. Given the bulk of releases I've heard from this label thus far, it's certainly in the upper tier. However, it also highlights just how special Corolle was when it dropped, and remains to this day.

Sykonee's 'Sportsing' Surveys: BOOM BOOM SATELLITES

While going through Tipper's discography, someone on Mastodon mentioned this group as a similar sounding act when it came to complex, nu-skool breaks production. I was shocked in not knowing of them, having been subjected to a lot of nu-skool back when it was so cool. Yet here was a duo that had been around since the genre's heyday, going strong for well over a decade, even getting their start on famed techno label R & S Records. They'd rubbed shoulders with D'n'B luminaries like Optical and Klute, been playlisted by the likes of Carl Cox and Ken Ishii, and apparently even toured with Moby for a spell. Not to mention getting soundtracked on a few anime and video games. Ah, hmm, maybe that's the issue there.

Despite breaking out in a decidedly European rave scene, and even adopting some American industrial rock aesthetics, they couldn't shake their inherent Japanese style, and were forever doomed to only remain big in their home country – a grammatically confounding name likely didn't help. Perhaps that was all they ever needed for a satisfying career, but that shouldn't relegate them to global obscurity. Even sadder, they had to prematurely cut whatever promise they had when band member Michiyuki Kawashima died from brain tumours.

For my own curiosity's sake, then, I needed to hear more from them. Might there be a culture barrier to overcome, as with some of the other Japanese material I've covered here? Possibly, probably, but I won't know until I dive in, will I?










As an addendum, there was something interesting I noticed from my streams off Deezer. Every time I finished listening to an album, tracks from that record would then feature on the band's Top Tracks list. That leads me to believe one of two things: either Boom Boom Satellite's popularity has fallen off so bad that my streaming of them was the only plays they received, or no one in Japan knows what Deezer is. Probably the latter, the streaming service more a European one, and lacking the global clout a Spotify or Apple Music has earned (or does Japan have their own major music app? Wouldn't surprise me).

Still, I can't help but wonder if this group truly are now destined to utterly disappear abroad. For sure they'll retain some fanbase in their homeland, but hopes of a new audience re-discovering them is unfortunately likely to diminish as time wears on. Whatever mark they made upon the turn of the century breaks scene seems mostly forgotten now, and the rock world certainly paid them little heed. I do think they deserve some attention for their production chops, but whether they'll click for you is likely entirely up to a listener's preferences.

Rest Well, Papa (an eulogy)

So my grandfather died.

This wasn't unexpected, being 97 years old and all. Indeed, the writing was on the wall at least half a decade ago, when he was diagnosed with degenerative kidney failure. Basically told one day, they would simply stop working, and that would be that. More than enough time to 'prepare' for the inevitable, and even had a couple extra years when he was given over to hospice care. I'm not terribly saddened by this outcome, having said all I felt needed to be said to him well before. I honestly felt more of a 'gut-punch' when news came down that Tony Schnur (Thick44) of the Neebs Gaming crew was taken by brain cancer than when I finally got 'The Call' about the state of my Papa's final breath. One doesn't feel as much loss when you know the person who's passed lived about as full and rich a life as anyone could hope for.

Could I have gone visit him more often than I did before the end? Probably, though you can't really blame me for not. The one time I did, he was having something of a delusion, thinking he was Babe Ruth needing to get to Wrigley Field in Chicago. I humoured him some, even got the nurses on hand to let me wheel him around the block for a bit before he got so angry at me for not getting him to the “fucking airport”, he essentially shut down in a huff. So I caught him on a 'bad day', just unfortunate luck of the draw. Still, I cannot deny it left me shook, realizing I couldn't bare to see him like that again. I'd see him in a more placid state at some family gatherings, but one-on-one? That was it. (side note: the day I did see him having his episode was October 1, 2022, exactly 90 years after Babe Ruth did his famous Called Shot at Wrigley Field – talk about coincidences!)

Some time passed, then I had a... hunch? Intuition? Pent-up guilt? Whatever it was, I felt I should go see him, even if he was doing nothing but resting in the hospice. Sure enough, he was in a deep sleep, perhaps stirring a little as I talked with his wife (my step-grandma) and daughter (married in). We tried to wake him, but he was out like a light. I sensed he was in some lucid dream state, able to hear us but other images playing out in his remaining memories. Before we left, I gave him a single, gentle touch to his head, telling him to rest well. Two days later he was gone.

So why bring all this up on a blog dedicated to covering (mostly) electronic music? Well, this is a blog, right, as in, a platform to share personal thoughts? That was the intent of these platforms, before folks started monetizing it. More than that though, I feel I owe it to Papa, to use this platform to share some thoughts about him, for truth of the matter is, without him, I may not even be where I am today.

Many, many moons ago, I was at bottom's end, having tried to make a new life work and miserably failing in the process. I saw only four options ahead of me: stick things out in the dire straights I was, go back to my hometown with my tail between my legs (another dead-end as far as I was concerned), give my grandpa a call and see if I could try my luck in the Lower Mainland, or join the army. I went with option number three. The timing was perfect for him, as he needed someone to house-sit while they went on a two month vacation. He said I could stay rent-free for those two months, after which I needed to be working and able to earn my keep while I rebuilt my life. I had a job within two days, and here I am today, all the better for it. Maybe I eventually would have gotten my shit together some other way, but at the time, he gave me the lifeline I needed when I had no other.

So, with nothing more than some personals in a back-pack and a garbage bag full of clothes, I took the Greyhound bus to Vancouver. Funnily, hilariously, kinda' stupidly, I missed my transfer in Chilliwack (one of the Fraser Valley stops), and was stranded. I had to call Papa to come 'rescue me' at the bus depot. I have no idea how he knew where to find the Greyhound station, but after nearly an hour of waiting, he picked me up. Talk about your auspicious starts to a 'new beginning'. And it wasn't the last time he'd be there to help me 'start anew' when I had no one else to turn to.

When I look back though, he was always there to help give me little 'boosts' in growing up. He taught me to play Cribbage at a young age, giving me quite the advantage over my classmates in the multiple ways to add up to fifteen and thirty-one. He got me to appreciate classical music, learning how to let one's imagination do the storytelling as I played back some of his 8-track tapes. Heck, my habit of using the CBC Radio as my morning alarm was likely instilled from memories of him waking up early morning, listening to CBC Radio while prepping his coffee and toast. I just assumed that's what you did as you matured.

In the end though, there was one particular life lesson I received from him early on, perhaps the greatest that's stuck with me since I was a wee chile'. It's perfectly fine to be content with your surroundings and your life, no shame in that. Yet sometimes calamity can befall you at any given time, irrevocably changing things you could never have anticipated or prepared for. This doesn't have to be a tragedy though, indeed maybe a change that results in something better, to grow from, with new possibilities before you. He told me this life lesson in the form of a nursery rhyme:


A peanut sat on a railroad track
Waiting for its supper
Along came a choo-choo train...
*choo-choo*
Peanut butter