The KLF - Last Train To Trancentral (Live From The Lost Continent)

Indisc: 1991

No doubt one of the more redundant singles I've picked up. There's only three tracks on here, and I already have two of them. Yeah, the Live From The Lost Continent version would have been a welcome addition to any UK punter's collection, a wholly different version compared to the album cut in that region (itself a remodelling of an unreleased song called Go To Sleep). Capping off The KLF's 'Stadium House' trilogy, wherein Jimmy and Billy took their Pure Trance singles and turned them into rollicking rave anthems filled with adoring crowds, Last Train was probably the most vain-glorious of the bunch. Well, certainly my personal favourite, even if The Charts say 3 a.m. Eternal was most popular of the trio (to say nothing of the Tammy Wynette featuring version of Justified And Ancient).

Anyhow, that's all a moot point for yours truly, as the American version of The White Room used the Lost Continent version of Last Train instead. Guess Arista figured their audience wouldn't have time for the 'subtler', calmer UK variant – don't bore us, get to the mutha'-fuggin' anthem chorus! Either that, or there was even more sample-clearance issues. Neither would surprise me.

Also included on this single is the 1989 Pure Trance Original. You know this as the version as heard on Chill Out, which I also have, kind of. I guess it's nice having it on its own, separate from the the full album mix, but again, redundant to my own music collection.

That leaves just The Iron Horse rub, and you know what? This actually makes getting the single for exactly one track out of three almost worth it. It's basically a primitive 'prog house' version of Last Train, back when the genre had just started its tentative first walk out onto the shores of UK clubland. The Lost Continent version is essentially stripped down to its most functional rhythmic components, chugging along at a deep, unrelenting pace. Shame its barely four minutes long, but I'm sure enterprising DJs could loop this for a propah' prog journey, if so inclined.

“But, Sykonee, you sexy beast of scintillating sound analysis,” I hear the cries, “why not cover that other remix package for this single?” What, The Moody Boys one? Yeah, that exists, but wasn't among the CD options from where I picked this up. It's not that hard to find, but certainly far from as common as this single is.

And frankly, I'm not sure if there's much to say about them, both essentially rubs on the UK album variant of Last Train. The 808Bass Version adds more rolling deep ends while the 120 Rock Steady version gets ravier with punchier riffs and broken beats, but that's about the extent of differences. Meanwhile, the Mu D. Vari-Speed Version is just Last Train To Trancentral (Remix 1) from the Pure Trance single, only played through a tape reel or turntable pitch shift at various speeds (I'm not sure which – maybe both?). I'll pass.

Various - Chilled Kutz IV

(~): 2003

Track List:
1. Jam & Spoon - Garden Of Eden
2. Swayzak - Illegal
3. Kitaro - Silver Moon
4. The KLF - Chill Out
5. The Future Sound Of London - Amoeba
6. The Future Sound Of London - A Study Of Six Guitars


If anyone wonders where the f' The KLF's Chill Out is in my collection, th'ar she be, lodged among a pile of unrelated tunes. I wanted the seminal piece of plunderphonic ambient, but good luck finding a copy of the CD while living in the hinterlands of Canada. I actually came across it at a university kiosk once, back when it wasn't so highly sought, but passed due to a lack of cash-money on my person at the time. Good thing those P2Ps can find rare stuff, and Chill Out wasn't hard either. Now looky here, someone ripped the full album as one, singular track, which makes sense as the whole thing mostly plays out as a long singular track, capturing the vibe of a long, singular trip on a long, singular train-track. Or driving by one.

What else can even be said about this record? While the notion of a 'chill room' in rave circles did exist, it wasn't until The KLF put a prominent stamp on it that chill-out as a genre properly took hold. Of course, they called it 'ambient house' then, because everything was either house, techno, or ambient at the time. Some freestyle too.

What set Chill Out apart from all the stodgy Eno clones or Berlin-School synth wizards was how grounded everything was, meditation music for the common man and mentally gassed raver. Not just New Agey calm pads and pastoral field recordings, but slide guitar blues and entrancing throat singers. Radio DJs getting you hype, but as heard from somewhere else, a memory of before the party started. Bill and Jimmy were crystal clear in their manifesto with Chill Out, the perfect sonic soother for your sketchy Sunday needs. Skychurch music for the loved up generation.

Naturally, all the other tracks I smashed into this Chilled Kutz look woefully out of place. Well, not so fast. While Kitaro and Swayzak have no place here, that Garden Of Eden from Jam & Spoon ain't so bad, very much on a '70s space rock vibe (are we sure they didn't sample Pink Floyd?), and a nice prelude to Chill Out. Meanwhile, Amoeba from FSOL segues remarkably well from The KLF, its sputtering choir pads and hazy drum loops maintaining the come-down mood. I suppose Study Of Six Guitars is fine as a closer, but I've heard it utilized better elsewhere.

Oh, I guess this explains why I never got ISDN either. Yeah, I only grabbed a few tracks off that album and scattered them about my burned CDs, and felt it enough a representation of the FSOL record to not bother buying a proper copy. I really should rectify that. It's certainly much cheaper than Chill Out these days.

The KLF - The White Room

Arista: 1991

The White Room is a great album from a great band. Just kidding, The KLF were rather mediocre for most of their career. Their first release as The JAMMs sounded like a shit Scottish Beastie Boys. Really, they only had two things going for them: sticking it to the highfalutin record business, and knowing how to game the system to sell some fun pop tunes. Okay, they also may have been responsible for inventing a bunch of genres too, but anyone can do that. They simply made theirs super-popular with raving punters, inspiring legions of imitators and jock-riders.

Ha ha, kidding again; just busting some KLF Loving Fanboyz balls. Of course The White Room is a Very Important Album from a Very Important Band. It's the culmination of endless struggle from Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond, a crowning achievement in pop chart success, proving their novelty hit Doctorin' The Tardis as The Timelords wasn't some fluke. Hell, they literally wrote the book on how to achieve such success, and then done did it again, proving The System is so very easily subverted if you make enough tea in the end. Tea is important, after all, in supplying you caffeinated confidence that your work is not for ought. I assume they drank generic black tea or Earl Grey or maybe even English Breakfast in the late evening. Personally, Green Tea does the trick for me, but that's due to my proximity with various Far East eateries: Japanese sushi bars, Chinese restaurants, Korean BBQ houses, and all the pho a fool can force down his pho-hole in an afternoon.

But The White Room as we got isn't what The KLF had in mind, initially intended to soundtrack an epic road trip movie. When early recordings and test footage proved unfavourable, however, those plans were scrapped, and the various sessions dumped onto the B-side of a regular record release. The A-side then cobbled together their recent singles (What Time Is Love?, 3am Eternal, Last Train To Trancentral) with a couple additional cuts from the initial White Room sessions, added a bunch of crowd noises, and created a mock mini-concert as the result (and thus 'Stadium House' was birthed).

Only Teenage Sykonee didn't get that either, American copies of The White Room further gutting the album due to copyright claims on said crowd samples. Apparently some of it came from a U2 album (!!), and that's a big no-no in the sampling department. On the other hand, my version of The White Room has the kick-ass Live From The Lost Continent version of Last Train To Trancentral, a tune in my youthful naivety eagerly showed to my father in hopes of proving to him that 'techno iz kewl!' “Sounds like disco,” he remarked with a smirk.

Oooh, that just wouldn't stand! 'Techno' is cowabunga-awesome, and disco is square-lame. I thus travelled in search of the mythical White Room on The Lost Continent to prove so. Let me tell you the tale of my exploits.

EDM Weekly World News: June 2014

Holy Wormholes, Batboy, several time-related producers and DJs have befallen a most un-excellent circumstance. Be careful of what you choose for your alias, budding musicians of the world!

Flava Flav transcript unfortunately unavailable upon request. Hoo, I'm sure you can imagine it tho'.

The KLF - Justified & Ancient

Arista: 1991/1992

I never really liked Justified & Ancient in its White Room incarnation. Despite a decent number to end the album on, it held none of the thrill Side A was stuffed with, and little to look forward to after the mostly bland slog of Side B. Of course, I had no bloody idea that the proper single of this tune was totally different until much, much later, but after learning such third-hand, I'd never find it, forever lost to the dustbins of time where- oh, there it is in a used shop. That settles that, I guess.

The evolution of Justified & Ancient is probably more interesting than anything I can say about the music itself. Already a running theme within Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond’s discography (popping up as early as the track Hey Hey We Are Not The Monkees in the album 1987 What The Fuck’s Going?, under the earlier The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu guise ...whew, what a wordfull), it seems appropriate this would end up their final single before calling it quits in the music business altogether.

Ironically, part of their retirement was due to the success of this single, specifically revitalizing Tammy Wynette’s career after she provided vocals for the new Stand By The JAMS mix. Suddenly The KLF were getting requests from a slew of has-been musicians looking for the Timelords bump. Well gee, can’t go becoming a part of the system they’d worked so hard to subvert, so screw you Music Industry, we’re done.

Included in this single is the ‘original’ White Room version, which I’ve warmed to since those blinkered early teen years of mine. Plus, in case you’re one of those ‘progressive house’ DJs needing an instrumental tool, there’s the Let Them Eat Ice Cream mix.

Really though, we’re all here for the upbeat UK acid house, chart topping romp of Stand By The JAMS. It’s got Tammy Wynette bellowing out the verses (apparently time-stretched at points as she was unable to sing in time to the backing tracks – darn country singers and always getting their way with session musicians conforming to their needs), a bouncy rhythm that was quite popular with cross-over house music in the Isle O’ Brits, cheers, chants, raps, guitars, daft lyrics (no, really, what’s with the ice cream van?) and all the uplifting anthem choruses you can sing along to (and wonder just how sincere The KLF were being with them). Oddly, there’s also an All Bound For Mu Mu Land version, which has frequent KLF vocal contributor Maxine Harvey taking on full vocal duties (she also provided the choruses of the Tammy Wynette version). Was this recorded prior to Cauty and Drummond knowing they’d get the First Lady Of Country in the studio, or after when their session didn’t turn out as they’d hoped before Cauty manipulated them? Ooh, now there’s a hilarious set-up for a theoretical one-question-only situation, to have it wasted on something so trivial. I’m sure The KLF would approve.