2 Unlimited - Real Things

Quality Music: 1994

If I'm not mistaken, this review of 2 Unlimited's third album marks a minor milestone on this blog: the first completion of an artist's discography. Okay, there are certain conditions for this achievement, like said act in question must have more than two album's released, and I have to actually own them all within my collection. Despite buying quite a few CDs over the years (four digits, creepin’ closer!), there aren’t many artists I’ve gathered full discographies of. Sometimes it’s due to an obscenely huge output (oh hi, Neil Young), other times it’s from scarcity of hard copies (boo limited runs), or perhaps an act enters a period of meh-to-suck in later years, making purchases pointless (sorry, ‘electronica’ darlings). Oh, and I refuse to acknowledge the existence of Wilde and de Coster's reboot attempt with two different singers – 2 Unlimited will forever be the original foursome, accept no alternatives!

Not only does Real Things complete my coverage of the former euro-dance juggernaut, it was also the final album they released, third in as many years. When you consider today’s dance-pop icons barely manage one LP in the same amount of time, I find that impressive. Fine, the rules of the game have considerably changed since two decades hence, artists capable of sustaining careers on singles alone. If we’re playing that game though, 2 Unlimited were utterly dominate in that area too, Real Things alone spawning off three top-Tens, plus a surprising fourth single in the ballad Nothing Like The Rain. That one’s not as good as the ballads off No Limits! and oh my God I’m championing euro dance ballads over others. Does my 2 Unlimited bias have no shame?

Probably not, though as always, a full-length outing from this group has its ups and downs. Compared to the prior two albums, Real Things is incredibly slick and polished, all hints of Belgian rave roots completely varnished away. Instead, they’ve adopted the sounds of Germany and Italy, though did so in their own way. Even at the height of euro-dance’s glut, you couldn’t mistake a 2 Unlimited cut for any other, Ray and Anita among the most distinctive rap-and-singer combos that scene ever produced. No wonder everyone tried copying their formula, and smaller wonder still they felt compelled to call out all the style-biters on lead single The Real Thing. Then again, who are they to do so when the track is centred on a Bach riff. Oh Turbo B ain’t gonna’ like that, nosiree.

The rest of the album flits between songs about love (Burning With Desire, Sensuality, Face To Face), dancing (Hypnotised, Escape In Music, Tuning Into Something Wild), but never about the love of dancing, oddly. There’s also an ode to a then-emergent cyberspace (Info Superhighway), and a couple ‘stand tall and proud’ type of tunes in Here I Go, Do What I Like, and What’s Mine Is Mine. Unsurprisingly, they’re the best tunes on Real Things. It’s as though being original is a good thing!

Solarstone - Rain Stars Eternal (Original TC Review)

Solaris Recordings: 2008

(2015 Update:
I recall being harsher in my words towards this album, but aside from a few snarky digs here and there, clearly that wasn't the case. I know I didn't outright hate the album, and my opinions of euro-trance music had mellowed some, but surely not to such a degree that I'd give the sap on Rain Stars Eternal a pass without flying off the ragin' deep end. Whatever, at least we can all agree Breakaway remains as pants as ever.

What's more fascinating about the Solarstone saga is how his DJ career's gained far more critical plaudits compared to his album output. He's released a couple more LPs since this one, but about all folks go on about these days are the Electronic Architecture and Pure Trance series. They're hailed as shining examples of trance as it should be, though I wouldn't know since I haven't indulged in any of them - what many figure as 'real' trance often contradicts my own notion on the matter, especially where traditional fans of Solarstone's material are concerned. Still, all that high praise can't be for naught, and it probably wouldn't hurt to check out one or two of those. I mean, what else am I gonna' spend my 'obligatory trance-cracker DJ mix CD' money on, more In Trance We Trust discs? Haha, ha.)


IN BRIEF: A decade in the making?

Lately, when there’s talk of melodic trance producers who had hits during the big late-90s boom, a degree of frustration and disappointment comes up when reflecting on their current output. The list of fallen-off names that long-time fans of the genre are disgruntled with is a long one, and needn’t be brought up here. It has gotten to the point, though, where you can’t even bring them up online without a flame-war erupting.

Yet, there are a few respected individuals that escaped such harsh fates, retaining their credibility even as the genre itself crumbled around them. As should be quite obvious to you since you clicked a link to this review, Solarstone is amongst this group. It seems no matter the particular taste in trance music, general consensus has deemed tracks like Seven Cities and Solarcoaster as class. With such promising early singles, folks eagerly waited for an album. And waited... and waited...

Now over ten years since breaking out with The Calling, and minus long-time producing partner Andy Bury, Rich Mowatt has come correct with a proper long-player (the previous two-disc Anthology was essentially a greatest hits package of various projects). It’s been a long time coming, but thanks to the odd single over the years and continued fond memories for his prior hits, fans of Solarstone have kept a vested interest in the name. And yet strangely enough, there haven’t been high expectations for Rain Stars Eternal either. It’s as though folks know the days of Seven Cities and Solarcoaster are behind him, so they’ve given Mowatt the good grace of delivering an album which makes sense in the here-and-now rather than clinging to the past.

With such freedom at his disposal, it may come as a bit of a disappointment that Mowatt has opted for the pop route, though shouldn’t be too surprising since the Solarstone moniker always leaned more to the melodically accessible side of trance music. What this means, however, is Rain Stars Eternal is filled with oodles of vocals, an attribute that more often than not sends up red flags when it comes to trance producers. Are these flags warranted this time out? The answer, my friends, is yes and no. Since this answer isn’t the least bit helpful, allow me to elaborate, starting with the ‘yes’.

If anything, Mowatt has crafted an album that paints a world where all that is vile and abhorrent in life has been whisked away. Instead, loving emotions and sentiments that caress the soul are ever present. At times, you almost feel like you’ve stumbled upon some kind of fantasy-land where unicorns and fairies frolic in fields of flowers. Yet, it doesn’t come across as sickly sweet as you might think, as Mowatt keeps things at a level of class, never the least bit embarrassing.

Case in point: Lunar Rings. When I first heard this one, the oh-so precious sugary vocals by guest-singer Essence had me instinctively irate and aggressive. It wasn’t from actually hating the song, though, but from my body reflexively surging me with testosterone, probably to make sure my testicles were still there after hearing something so syrupy and effeminate. After going back to listen with a properly objective perspective, I found Lunar Rings a rather decent slice of euro-trance goof-ball pop; there’s no point in criticizing a song that succeeds in its aim, even though it’s not something I’d likely willingly ever listen to again.

Tracks like the ode to an unborn child (Part Of Me) and about relationships (Late Summer Fields and Slave) are also well produced with vocals that are quite enjoyable. Unfortunately, the other two vocal tracks - Filoselle Skies and Breakaway - are rough stumbles. While the former starts nicely enough, Julie Scott’s singing soon clashes with the pleasant musical backings Mowatt provides; it’s rather shocking how off it sounds when compared to their other collaboration in Slave. Meanwhile, Breakaway is totally misguided, Mowatt trying his hand at ‘emo-dance’ with an over-emoting American-based male vocalist and production that’s about as watered-down as pop-rock dance music gets; considering Rain Stars Eternal is mostly filled with airy ethereal melodies, Breakaway’s contemporary backdrop is completely out of place. Heck, why even get such a sappy singer for it anyway? As evidenced in Late Summer Fields, Mowatt is more than capable of carrying credible vocal duties himself.

There are also a few standard instrumental trance tunes scattered about, but aside from the titular track, these aren’t much to get excited about. Although they are nice enough, Spectrum and 4Ever are going through the motions, as though Mowatt wasn’t as concerned with them. Fortunately, he easily makes up for such basic tracks with a very lovely bit of music on the closer The Last Defeat. While it may dip somewhat into New Agey soundscapes, it’s of the sort that is still quite soothing and relaxing, and ends Rain Stars Eternal on a strong note.

A positive final impression, however, isn’t enough to save this album from a middling score, albeit a high middling score. The trouble is, despite a strong opening sequence of songs, the decided lack of anything innovative or unique firmly keeps Rain Stars Eternal in the realms of ‘merely pleasant pop music’. Mowatt is a better producer and song-writer than many of the folks over at Armada or Anjunabeats, of that there is no doubt, yet he still hasn’t progressed much from his output earlier in the decade. If the Solarstone of old still holds fond memories for you, this proper debut will probably satisfy to some degree. Unfortunately, unlike those classic singles, there isn’t enough on here to leave the same kind of lasting impression.

Written by Sykonee for TranceCritic.com, 2008 © All rights reserved.

Various - Radikal Techno - Too Radikal (Original TC Review)

Quality Music: 1993

(2015 Update:
I still can't believe this CD turned up as a Random Review less than a year after I wrote about the first Radikal Techno. Makes me wonder, had I stuck to doing occasional reviews by random selection, would the third, fourth, or even multi-CD box set have come up. Not sure how that'd be possible, as I only have two Radikal Technos, but those Digital Disc Imps, they're a tricky bunch. Always moving your music out of place, somehow shuffling CDs out of sight even as you diligently scan spine by spine looking for that one album you just gotta' pull out to show off to house guests. Ahem, what I mean is, I wouldn't put it past those Imps to add something too. For reals, where'd this dusty garage rock demo suddenly come from?

You know what else surprised me? Discovering Radikal Records is still in operation, now a full-on festival house and brostep outlet. Wait, that's not surprising at all, the label's choice in music output always skewing towards the commercially friendly side of the dancefloor - of course they'd jump on the latest hot bandwagon. Still, maybe they should have rebranded their name as well. Calling yourself 'radikal' is just too damn '90s, man.)

IN BRIEF: Not as good as the first.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Yes, I know I have a fair deal of old dance CDs in my music collection, but it can’t make up more than 5% of everything I own. Yet, these Random Reviews have seen an inordinate amount of them crop up. Club Europa, The Movement, Scooter’s Age Of Love, Maxx’ No More, Snap!’s Welcome To Tomorrow, the first Radikal Techno… What’s next, Euro Dance Pool, Club Cutz, or Ice MC’s album? (2015 note: it came true! …kinda’) Why can’t I ever pull one of my many Moonshine Records discs? A classic trance compilation? Hell, even a Turbo Recordings choice again – I haven’t picked one since the very first Random. I suppose the good news here is that I have to eventually run out of these.

I’ll be honest with you. The trouble is, unlike the first Radikal Techno, there isn’t much to say about Too Radikal. The first one had enough quirky things about it that the compilation actually makes for an interesting Random: remixes that are rather rare, well-known producers cutting their teeth with early works, plus a scrappy attitude that went part-and-parcel with the ’92 rave scene. The sequel, however, lacks any of this. If anything, Too Radikal shows how, within a year, the commercial dance business had cleaned itself up from its grubby rave days and present itself with a far more slick sheen that would go on to define euro dance of the mid-‘90s. Even the cover, despite the somewhat goa attributes, comes across squeaky clean in comparison.

Fourteen tracks are to be had here, but nearly all of them could also easily be had on several other compilations, making this far from unique or necessary. The music, for the most part though, isn’t bad. Mostly, you have ‘underground’ versions of big euro-hits, which is just another way of saying trancey mixes. A few cuts have held up remarkably well: Te Quiero’s almost-psy leanings is still an infectious tune; with moody acid burbling about, Joey Beltram’s Old School Dub Mix of Open Your Mind is quite good, if somewhat simplistic; and the Abfarht team struck gold once again with Wanna Feel The Music as Public Art. Meanwhile, euro dance fluff from A.B. Free (who’d go on to bigger things as DJ Company), Apotheosis (completely abandoning their original rave sound), Afrika Bambaata (yes, that Bambaata, now hanging out with Italian producers for some reason), Dance 2 Trance, Love 4 Sale, and Ramirez are all agreeable, though dated. For instance, the backing pads in Do You Feel So Right are pure trance bliss, but the rest of the track is quite muffled; Go Deeper’s production is so hilariously flat, you’d think it was an ‘80s tune; and what the hell is with those chicken noises in El Gallinero?

On the other hand, little holds up in the offerings from R.T.Z., 2 Unlimited, Deadly Sins, and Mars Plastic, coming off like knock-offs of better productions of the time. In The Name Of Love has some decent beats, but that looping hook will quickly irritate; We Are Going On Down is silly with those rollercoaster samples and ‘whooaAAAAooohhh’ chants; not the best version of No Limit here; Find The Way is generic garage house from that time. Oh, and then there’s the hopelessly corny It’s A Feeling, which rips off the marching rhythms of The Good Men’s Give It Up, and throws in sappy happy hardcore sentiments. I cringed with this one even back in the day.

Y’ah, see how fast I wrapped this one up? There’s just not much else to talk about here. I suppose you could be wondering why I’d even still have a compilation like Too Radikal if it’s this generic. Well, I have to admit there are quite a few personally nostalgic reasons. If the first Radikal Techno was my second CD, this was something like my fifth, so obviously I’d end up replaying it often. I certainly do have amusing memories of Te Quiero (oh my god, that woman’s having an orgasm!) and We Are Going On Down (are they saying ‘funky town’ or ‘fucking town’?); and although there really isn’t much on here that’d be true-blue trance, there was enough trancey attributes here to undoubtedly make an influence on my early music tastes (even if I wouldn’t take the full proper plunge for another couple years down the road).

I dunno. If you see this around and don’t have any of these tracks… ah, you might still be better off just downloading the good ones. Like I said, this isn’t a bad compilation, just really unnecessary to have. Do what you like if you see it lying in a used shop.

Written by Sykonee for TranceCritic.com, 2009. All rights reserved.

Leon Bolier - Pictures (Original TC Review)

2 Play Records: 2008

(2014 Update:
Before I say anything about Pictures, can I point out how much improved my writing is here compared to that Phoenix Rising review? I mean, wow, just wow! Only a year-and-a-half had passed between, and though a few minor gaffs still crop up, it's nothing compared to the clunkiness of that older one. Guess going back to college paid off after all!

Okay, Bolier's debut. The horribly dated attempts at 'minimal trance' aside (*cringe*), this has held up quite well. Ol' Leon hit upon a strong formula for his trance productions, of which I detail below, and could have sustained him with a then emergent 'underground' side of the genre - the John Askew style, if you will. But Bolier had bigger aspirations than that, and has instead been seduced by the more profitable side of electro house and festival anthems. His name's unfortunately fallen back to third-tier status, just enough to sustain a DJ career but increasingly lost in a market flooded with bandwagon-jumping former trance producers - to say nothing of all the young jocks emerging and taking all the glory. Shame, as he could have been a king in the '140bpm trance' scene if he stuck things out with this style. Maybe he'll have another hit on the level of Ocean Drive Boulevard with festival bosh, but if it hasn't happened already, I'm doubting it will.)


IN BRIEF: Energetic yet evenhanded? Sounds good to me.

Was 2008 Bolier’s year? Don’t be daft - if anyone owned this year, it was some guy wearing a mouse head. However, by all estimates, Leon had himself a professionally successful year. He released his first commercial DJ mix (Trance Mission, even if he had to share the spotlight with femme-trance player extraordinaire Mike Shiver), was responsible for one of the most memorable anthems of 2008 in Ocean Drive Boulevard, and finally released a full length album. After several years being something of a third-tier name in the realms of trance, things certainly do appear to be on the up-and-up for the Dutchman.

This wouldn’t matter, though, if his debut Pictures was a bunch of forgettable fluff. Fortunately for Bolier, the man has displayed adeptness in a part of trance that many producers struggle with: rhythms. Not that the genre lacks beats that bring the boom, but quite often they are merely serviceable thump-thump-thumps with your choice of offbeat or rolling bassline; after all, trance prefers focusing on the melodic aspect of music (or just mess with your head if you’re into psy). And although Bolier displays some fine melodic sense, it’s his crafty tech-beats that make his tunes stand out from the bloated trance-pack.

Which is good news for him because Leon’s trance isn’t terribly innovative, doing much of the same thing we’ve been hearing for the past decade and blah blah blah etc. Yeah, we’ve been hearing this complaint for a while, even said it ourselves on plenty of occasions. Although it’s a sound critique when producers are replicating the past to a fault (re: adding nothing new to the table), if someone maintains a degree of class in their work, it at least makes for an agreeable listen; for the most part, Pictures does.

Really, Bolier’s trance is hard to fault on its own merits, doing everything you’d expect of the genre just fine. There is, of course, Ocean Drive Boulevard, about as expertly executed an anthem as you can hope out of the genre; even if all the trance jocks overplayed the tune this year, it still makes for a riveting climax to Pictures’ album proper (disc one, for the record). Meanwhile, cuts Dnipro and Meditate are more straight-forward excursions, simply laying out driving beats and loopy melodies that are nicely hypnotic. YE, on the other hand, aims straight for the melodic jugular; frankly, I’ve never been much of a fan of this type of doodily-do trance, but it’s still enjoyable while it plays. Plus, let’s not forget opener Offshore, a tune that taps into the best of what Tiësto was capable of: melancholy baroque atmosphere (did Geert Huinink ghost-write this?), stadium-sized beats, infectious hook at the climax – it easily outclasses Mr. Verwest’s recent offerings; Bolier out-Tiëstos Tiësto! And, as surprised as I am to say this, I kind of rather like I Finally Found’s euro-danciness – sure, the main hook practically rips off Jam & Spoon’s Right In The Night and the vocals are typically trite, but it doesn’t oversell its earnest emotions, which is about all one can hope for with music of this nature.

Unfortunately, disc one has a chunk of dull filler between many of the better tunes. Darling Harbour, XD, and Beyrouth contain some half-decent elements, but Bolier seems intent on making these his ‘deep’ cuts. As a result, we have music that is kept turned down really, really low so it merely simmers; every so often, a bright bit of synth work will build into a crescendo, but Bolier scales things right back to a simmer following such peaks, turning the tracks into insubstantial teases. I’ll grant they’re not as pointless as Sander van Doorn’s similar offerings (from which Bolier seems to be taking his cues with these tracks), but they ultimately serve no better purpose on this album than to space the trance cuts out.

Still, having too much of the same thing over and over isn’t such a hot idea either, as evidenced by disc two. Here you have most of Bolier’s collaborations and b-sides collected together and, note for note, I’d wager this the stronger of the CDs. For one thing, you don’t have any of the dull ‘deep’ tracks; about the closest would be Lost Luggage with Jonas Steur, which is more funky tech-house than anything (and a whole lot of awesome, I’ll add). The lone vocal track on this disc - Exhibit - is a rollicking goodtime euro-dance tune, with Ms. Georgiou belting her heart out like she’s singing house in the early 90s, and making it far more fun than I Finally Found. And the rest of the tracks - from melodic musers to tech-bangers - are all classy cuts; never were the breakdowns and builds heavy-handed, and the sounds on display were always energetic and pleasing. The unfortunate trouble, however, is the fact all these tracks are so similarly arranged (lead, break, drop, outro) that it can grow monotonous after a while. Although the music is strong enough to keep you engaged, some variety in style would have done wonders for this discs’ overall appeal, and a couple token nods outside the formula just isn’t enough.

Still, as far as debut trance albums go, Pictures is certainly one of the better ones you’ll come across. Yes, there are a number of rough patches and questionable choices included in this double-discer (what even was the point of Longing For? It sounds like a tagged-on afterthought), but as a whole Bolier has come away from this maintaining his path on the up-and-up. With so many of trance’s standard-bearers churning out directionless misfires and corny tosh, it’s reassuring to hear the young bloods stepping up to keep some respectability in the genre.

Written by Sykonee for TranceCritic.com, 2008. © All rights reserved.

ACE TRACKS: June 2014

Told you making these playlists don’t take long. I could almost make posts like this a weekly thing, which would finally complete the whole backlog by about, oh, Spring Break. No rush. Anyhow, here’s ACE TRACKS: June 2014


Link to full tracklist on Deezer.

Missing Albums:
Bandulu - Guidance
Bandulu - Cornerstone
Psychick Warriors Ov Gaia - The Key
2 Unlimited - No Limits (Found!)

Hip-Hop Percentage: 6%
Neil Young Percentage: 25%
Most “WTF?” Track: Buffalo Springfield - I Am A Child (you'll know why when you hear it)

Bloody shame about Bandulu not being available – would love a little more attention thrown in their direction, even if it’s only on Spotify Deezer. But yes, June was dominated by that Neil Young: Archives collection, which made putting this playlist something of a challenge. That’s just way too much of a single artist to take in a single sitting, and I say this as an absolute fan of the guy! Wound up with half-a-dozen of his songs just lumped together at the end.

Complicating things further were the equal amounts of psy dub, ‘70s synth music, and poppy dance and trance. These styles of music do not mesh well at all, much less while shoehorning ‘60s folk and rock in the there. Hell, the tribal-dub-techno of Bandulu and PWoG actually help bridge them together. I kept things flowing as best I could with what I had to work with, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some feel compelled to hit that skip button.

ACE TRACKS: July 2014

Okay, this is going to be easier/harder than I expected. Easier, in that putting together these Monthly Playlists is a snap on Spotify Deezer; harder, because it presents a backlog problem. Additionally, between fading memories of what music was reviewed a given month, and the fact some tracks aren’t even on Spotify Deezer (the hyperbole misled me!), I feel proper write-ups for these Playlists are necessary, a condition that will make for obscene posts should I save them all for end of month updates here. No, this won’t do. Instead, I’ll post them as I finish each one, however long that takes.

Also of note: the Playlists will include the tracks that aren’t on Spotify Deezer (yet, if ever), at least in a viewable fashion at the website itself. I’ve been able to do this by syncing Spotify Deezer with the harddrive where I store my CD rips and digital albums, which plays the tracks fine from the app running on my computer, but not so much elsewhere. I’ll make a list of what’s missing in each Playlist post, but hopefully some will make their way onto the service in the future. If not, well, you can always stop by my pad (!!) if you must hear these Playlists in full. BYOB, tho’.

That sorted, let’s get into ACE TRACKS: August 2014! Oh wait, I was off that month. Nothing to post then.

Haha, okay, for realsies, here’s ACE TRACKS: July 2014!


Link to full tracklist at Deezer.

Missing Albums:
Open Canvas - Nomadic Impression (Found!)
Sasha & John Digweed - Northern Exposure, Westcoast Edition, & Expeditions
Fun Factory - Nonstop! The Album (Found!)
Masta Killa - No Said Date (Found!)
Lab 4 - None Of Us Are Saints
The TOPAZ sets

Amount Of Hip-Hop: 15%
Amount Of Neil Young: 0%
Obligatory “WTF?” Track: Squarepusher - Paradise Garage

Between the Northern Exposure series, Tiësto’s Nyana, plus a pair of Nokturnel Mix CDs from Topaz and assorted others, July was dominated by progressive house and trance. I’ve used the original un-mixed tracks wherever I could, and also threw in a couple culled from the mixes themselves if they could stand on their own (I’ll be doing this with all DJ mix releases going forward). Unfortunately, little from the early Northern Exposures were found. For that matter, I’m surprised Ministry Of Sound releases are absent. Maybe only UK Spotify Deezer has them? (wait, are there regional differences?).

Fun Factory - Nonstop! The Album

Attic: 1994

When I first heard Fun Factory's big hits Close To You and Take Your Chance, it marked the first time I had doubts about my two-year strong love affair with euro-dance. By no means the worst tunes of that scene I'd come across, something about the group struck me as too manufactured. Yeah, yeah, almost all euro-dance acts were studio engineered and mass marketed with pretty faces lip-syncing on stage and videos, and even in my youthful naivety I accepted that so long as some semblance of authenticity emerged with the performers. This four-piece though, I dunno. It seemed the producers behind Fun Factory (German-based Team33) had a check-list of every detail necessary for a hit euro act, and dutifully marked them all down.

Some pre-requisites filled: a hot chick on the chorus (who may or may not have done the actual vocals), the black rapper (!), a white ragga rapper (!!), and a dancer (!?). Actually, I’ll give this factory of fun-stuffs credit for giving the dancer an official role within the group, something it seems only The Prodigy could pull off with any credibility. On the music front, you’ve got a Snap! tune, a Maxx track, a Felix (Rollo) riff, rhythms similar to the Abfahrt Records camp, and is that a little Ace Of Base reggae in there too? Yep, whatever formula was out there for a euro-dance hit, Fun Factory got in on that, and then some (is Prove Your Love eurobeat?).

Right, plenty of cynicism for Nonstop! The Album on my front. Why do I even have Fun Factory's debut album, then? Reason number one: if I see a euro-dance collection from 1994 sitting in a used CD shop, I've developed a reflex action of instantly picking it up, no questions asked. Don't judge me, that year was the absolute bomb for euro. Hell, this album's proof of it, where despite as canned as Fun Factory comes across, there's still plenty of ear-wormy dance-pop tunes throughout.

The second reason, and where I’ll give Team33 the most credit for, is how Nonstop! The Album does all it can in making this a strong LP experience. Alongside the aforementioned euro-dance and reggae-pop jams, there’s pure anthem techno (Fun Factory’s Groove), throwback Belgian beat (Fun Factory’s Theme), soul-croon (I Miss Her), hip-hop freestyle (erm, Freestylin’), and crap R&B ballad (Hey Little Girl ...oh God, is this track ever shit). You could make the cynical argument this is just Fun Factory covering all the bases, but the way this album’s presented, I don’t get that vibe. Despite their seemingly artificial formation, there’s a sense of genuine earnestness from all the participants - they’re committed to the act, and those who listen to Fun Factory are in on the act as well. Its euro-dance that makes no apologies for its commercial nature, and it’s gonna’ give you all that it can give. Try telling that to Teenage Sykonee though, who felt euro-dance should be serious and shit. G’ah.

2 Unlimited - No One (BioMetal, Pt. 5)

Quality Music: 1995

(Click here to read my original TranceCritic review.)

“Are you ready for this, Anita?”

“Is that some kind of joke?”

Ray smiled. “How do you mean?”

Her reply was quick and exasperated. “We’ve had all manner of horrors thrown at us! Things both living and machine, mutations of animals common and exotic, the very walls around us pulsating and breathing like we’re inside the intestine of an asteroid-sized BioMetal. We just made it through of wall of crustaceans, each as big as our ship! And you’re asking me if I’m ready for whatever’s lurking inside that cavern?”

Ray checked his weapon and shield gauges, each still in the process of recharging, an estimation of but a few minutes before they could proceed. Some of the strongest life-signs they’d encountered yet rested just beyond the darkness before them, readings capping out nearly every sensor designed to monitor for BioMetals. Either an armada even larger than the one the HALBARD had tore a path of devastation through lay ahead, or, as Anita speculated, a central ‘brain’ complex that controlled them all. Either way, it looked like a fight to the finish, and they’d need all their spare energy reverses locked and loaded before taking it on.

“It’s probably a big, blobous tentacle,” Ray quipped, tapping a steady rhythm on the panel to his right. “Like, maybe a squid-thing, with a huge beak that could snap our ship in two if we got too close. I don’t think we’ve seen one of those yet.”

“Huh, it’s no more ludicrous than the dragon-thing we already killed.”

Ray chortled. “There, see, it’s not hard to see the lighter side of all this nonsense.”

Anita sighed again, but it was different this time, less irritation than Ray was used to hearing from her. It felt like her breath somehow billowed out from his earpiece, coursing through his body and settling just under his skin. He shuffled in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “How do you do it, Ray?” she asked. “Keep optimistic even in such abhorrent surroundings?”

Ray pursed his lips, surprised he had to think a bit for a reply. “Hope, I guess,” he finally said. “That there’s something better than being a ‘hot-shot’ pilot with a skill for killing BioMetals in my future. Maybe settle down in a tropical paradise, make a little tango music.”

“It takes two to tango,” Anita quietly said.

Ray smiled. “Is that an offer?”

“Maybe. We’ll see, after we kick the last of these BioMetals’ asses.”

“Hah, do BioMetals even have asses?”

Anita giggled. “Honestly, no one knows, and I don’t care to be the first to find out.”

Ray powered the HALBARD’s system’s back on, the ship humming back to life. “Me neither. Let’s end this!”

HOW DOES THE THRILLING BIOMETAL SAGA CONCLUDE?
Oh, you know: big bad beat, galaxy saved for another epoch, Ray and Anita do victory parades, General Wilde retires to Planet Kaypewsolaceniceawesome, Dr. de Coster disappeared into a black hole of his own invention. Usual space opera stuff.


(If you're hopeless lost as to what's going on, click here.)

Maxx - No More (I Can't Stand It) (2014 Update)

Quality Music: 1994

(Click here to read my original TranceCritic review.)

Ah, hmm. I guess Maxx never had their own video game tie-in I can fanficify, did they. I'm gonna' have to do a real 2014 Update for this single, aren't I. Man, you don't want that. You know how boring it would have been had I done the same for all those 2 Unlimited singles? My original reviews were exhaustively detailed, and while not always entirely accurate, in no need of updating. I'll grant possibly only two people on the planet get a kick out of those BioMetal stories, but I write them for my amusement, a break from my usual fare. Dammit, why couldn't Maxx have been more popular than 2 Unlimited? Not even a CD-ROM soundtrack credit? *sigh*

Actually, listening to No More again, I’m surprised how well it’s held up to this day. Despite lacking the polish of Maxx’ first hit, Get-A-Way (Team Samira, yo’!), there remains an undeniable craft to its pop production. Maybe it’s the fact Gary Bokoe’s ‘raggamuffin’ approach to the requisite euro-dance rap sounds unlike any other out there. Seriously, compared to the endless copycats that emerged after Maxx’ success, Gary comes off remarkably unique. I think the only reggae-rapper in that scene that outmatched him was ICE MC, and he had the benefit of heritage on his side. What’s a silly German outfit like Maxx doing emulating the UK’s fascination with reggae-dance music?

There’s a lot of music from the ‘90s that’s hopelessly dated to those years. Some of it, like old school rave, big beat, and prog-house with ethnic chants continue to work in spite of their datedness, a nostalgia for the long-gone scenes they sprung up within. Conversely, this same factor works against some genres if the memories and events tied to them remind us of things the music world would much rather forget – New Jack Swing probably won’t see a comeback since everything we associate with the genre spotlights the commercial urban scene’s desperate attempt at cashing in on hip-hop street authenticity.

Euro-dance of the ‘90s exists in a funny realm between the two, primarily due to an explosive birth of creativity, followed by years of shameless rehashing and generic retreads (music turned “beige”, as ICE MC put it). Yeah, I’m being liberal with the term ‘creativity’, but consider: in combining hip-house, italo, and anthem ‘techno’, euro-dance struck upon a formula that had never been done before, and opened a wide door of potential genre blending. The most memorable tunes of this era almost all sprung up within those first couple years of existence, producers mixing and matching influences from other scenes (reggae! trance! country?), trying to top the charts over their contemporaries with some new angle (oh hi, Maxx). These songs hold up as strong dance-pop because everyone making it kept outdoing each other in this musical arms race. Small surprise acts like 2 Unlimited, Culture Beat, and Dr. Alban are making bank on ‘90s nostalgia tours now. Why Maxx hasn’t gotten in on that action?

2 Unlimited - No Limits!

Quality Music: 1993

Oh man, I could so do another 'anecdote review' with this CD, it being the first disc I ever owned and all. But nay, Nightflight To Venus was once enough for such a gimmick, so I'll leave the personal stories aside. All I'll say is had I bought my initial choice of Naughty By Nature's 19 Naughty III instead on that fateful day, my musical development could have been drastically different during those early, impressionable teenage years.

No Limits! came out a year after 2 Unlimited's debut, and the group was quick to transition from a charming (lambasted?) Belgian techno-rave act to a proper pop sensation. They couldn’t do it re-hashing the same ol’ dance formula as before though. They needed cleaner production, tighter song-writing, and a new anthem that proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, their early singles of Get Ready For This and Twilight Zone weren’t just flukes cashing in on a hot sound. Something with a hook instantly recognizable and so simple anyone could hum it, with a chorus to match and a title that not only could be used for the LP-proper, but even have tongue-in-cheek playfulness as it related to the group name. Got it, R.U.O.K.!

Look, I’m actually sick of No Limit at this moment. Between it being the first track on this album, plus having just done the single, I’ve now heard seven iteration of the damned song in a row, five of which are practically identical to each other. I’ll still enjoy it the next time I hear it at a hockey game, but right now, I’m burnt out on it – I’ve discovered there is a limit to how much No Limit I can take.

Fortunately, No Limits! doesn’t retread that mind-numbing path quite so often. Maximum Overdrive and Let The Beat Control Your Body are similar tunes, in that they go for the ‘dumb-fun’ dance anthem as No Limit does, but the rest of this album’s surprisingly diverse within the limited range 2 Unlimited set upon itself. Tribal Dance was the other big single from here, far cleverer in offering high-octane dance music compared to forgotten tracks like Break The Chain and Kiss Me Bliss Me (literally, I forgot the latter existed!). Showing some musical class, Mysterious is a well-crafted dance-pop song, while Faces and The Power Age have Ray and Anita injecting world issues into their lyrics, using their gained popularity for more than mindless musical escapism. On the lighter side of things is a happy little number called Throw The Groove Down (such whimsical fun!) and a nice bit o’ bliss from Invite Me To Trance.

I’m not gonna’ sell you on No Limits! if you aren’t already sold on 2 Unlimited, but for such a quick sophomore effort, it’s leaps beyond Get Ready. Hell, even the ballads, Where Are You Now and Shelter For A Rainy Day, are pleasant numbers to end the album on. Me, giving praise to euro-dance ballads. That just don’t happen, mang!

Aqua - Aquarium

Universal Music: 1997

Yeureuo-daoncshh ofth the yeaurly ‘90shth ha’ all mwut die’ mwy 1997, mwut the worold wash shtill a cople yearsh away from the nu-italo exploshion that marked europop’sh next shtage of evolushun. Mwridg’ng the gap wash a curioush four-‘iece ‘ailing from the landsh of Danesh. Inishally a ‘appy ‘ardcore group going mwy Joyshpeed, they took thoshe mwumwmwle-gum anticsh to the mainshtream, produshing – eshcushe me a momen’…

Sorry, I had to remove that foot from my mouth, though why I would write like that befuddles me (I don’t talk aloud when I type). See, I recently made some disparaging remarks about Aqua on the TranceAddict forums, likening the group’s goofy presentation and novelty music to the cornball antics of current dance pop. Many contemporary videos remind me of that silly era, Yvis’ The Fox being a prime example, though it was tracks like Laidback Luke’s Pogo and Chicky’s Bunny that set me off. I felt Aqua marked the end of euro-dance’s glory years, a final nail in ruining whatever slight credibility the genre still had in the eyes of the general population when Barbie Girl was the flag bearer. And now I’m forced to contradict myself by reviewing Aqua’s debut.

I’ll get this out of the way: I like Lollipop (Candyman). Maybe it’s that piano hook that reminds me German trance (no, really!), maybe it’s the wonderfully campy sci-fi video, maybe it’s the totally obvious double-entre within a pop song, but I like it. A lot. Even back in the day, when I was anti-Aqua on principle. And I continued liking it, a lot. Now leave me alone about it.

Then there’s Barbie Girl, the inescapable hit you loved to hate, but couldn’t deny the surprising, thought-provoking subtext lurking within an apparent bubble-gum song, a dark statement on the vapid Valley Girl lifestyle. Okay, I’m giving Aqua way too much credit there, but they claim the tune’s a social commentary, so kudos for them in thinking a bit deeper where dance-pop’s concerned (to say nothing about pissing off Mattel to no end).

The rest of Aquarium features more happy-go-lucky euro-dance and the requisite forgettable ballads that pad out pop albums. Roses Are Red, the first single released under the Aqua banner, is pretty good for mid-'90s euro, though it's clear in follow-up singles like Doctor Jones and My Oh My the group were quite content at crafting cartoon music. Can't fault them for achieving their goals, and they look like they had fun making equally cartoony videos (which Katy Perry totally style-bit!), but listening to this is still no more satisfying than munching on cotton candy. Then again, everyone must love the fluffy, colourful stuff, Aquarium going down as Denmark's all-time best-selling album.

Guess I was too hard on Aqua back in the day. I still wouldn’t recommend them unless you’re perfectly fine with music at its most infantile, but they sure don’t deserve the ire of ‘music are serious’ types. Ann Lee and that godawful 2 Times, however…

Snap! - The Madman's Return

Arista: 1992

Objectivity? Oh ho ho ho, that’s a good one! I wore the shit out of my original tape – yes, tape! – a frequent go-to collection of tunes for when I wanted something ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’ during my teenaged honeymoon year of ‘techno’ discovery. Of course, Snap!’s sophomore album The Madman’s Return is hardly dark or heavy when sat against the underground of ’92, but compared to the curiosity of early ‘90s chart topping EDM, perhaps so. Euro dance as we know of it today had yet to properly emerge (Rhythm Is A Dancer certainly helped get things rolling though), while New Jack Swing and hip-house was at its apex before crumbling away. Kriss Kross’ Jump, House Of Pain’s Jump Around, and Bobby Brown’s Humpin’ Around were some of the biggest hits of that year – guess everyone just wanted to jump ‘n hump around in ’92.

Snap! itself was going through changes, a conflict of ideas for their next move. The rapper Turbo B wanted to go more hip-hop, heavily inspired by the political words of Public Enemy and the like. However, Münzing and Anzilotti- whoops, I mean Benites and Garrett III, the German producers lurking in the studio, preferred moving on from urban, the sounds of Belgian beat, trance, and 'techno' catching their ears instead.

The Madman’s Return is something of a compromise from each, the result of which an album that’s surprisingly unique and holds up two decades on (ahaha! ‘Objectivity’…). The opener’s essentially a hip-house tune with Turbo B going on about how he’s back and ready to start some shit, but coupled with clanking percussion, acid, and a deliciously grimy hook, it’s unlike any hip-house you’ve ever heard before or after. Later, Mr. B goes off on the nature of sampling in Who Stole It?, and brags a bunch on the ridiculously heavy-beat tune Money. Sure, he’s not gonna have Chuck D sweating anytime soon, but the typical euro-dance rapper’s firmly put into touch by his wordplay.

Unfortunately, the other half of the album has ol’ Durron making sexy come-ons (Colour Of Love, Believe In It, Don’t Be Shy) or offering simplistic platitudes (See The Light). The tunes themselves aren’t half-bad, mind, though the former bunch are clearly attempting to recreate the success of the first album’s Mary Had A Little Boy. Meanwhile, See The Light is Snap!’s go at another ‘techno’ hit, and you can hear Turbo B struggling for enthusiasm for it. Heck, you could also hear it in the original single of Rhythm Is A Dancer, which makes the stripped-down album version all the more awesome – instead of a silly rap, simple spoken dialog conjuring an apocalyptic future. I told you this album’s dark!

Snap! were often derided when they were still active, but as the majority of crossover EDM grew ever more shallow and tripe, folks have warmed to group’s strong production and pop perfection. The Madman’s Return is easily their peak, transitioning from fluff urban to fluff trance in a remarkably gritty way.

Various - Klassic Kickbacks 4

(~): 2003

Having gotten (mostly) credible classics out of the way, you’re damn straight I’d make an all euro-dance burned CD. Everything on here had been on a previously owned disc before, but when the Great Pawning Of 2002 started, most of my generic commercial dance CDs was the first to go. Don’t worry, they wouldn’t be alone - even those backwoods used stores had ample Dance Mixes, MC Mario, and Chris Sheppard compilations taking up shelf space. But man, it wasn’t long before my heart grew fond for the cheesy delights of Haddaway, Black Box, and Captain Hollywood Project. Why oh why did I toss the What Is Love? man’s debut album into the microwave during that one party? Oh yeah, because there were only three good tracks on it. Woo, look at those sparkles fly!

Those three tracks were What Is Love? (duh), Life (Everybody Needs Somebody To Love), and Rock My Heart, which were about as euro dance as euro dance danced (if you cannot dance). The rest of the album was totally forgettable (no, really, I can’t remember how the other tunes sounded), but at least it wasn’t as abysmal as Captain Hollywood Project’s Love Is Not Sex. More & More is a bonafide classic of euro house music, encapsulating everything glorious and pure of the genre (stop sniggering, you). Lord help me though, the subsequent eleven tracks off that album are an utter blank. You’d think Nosie Katzmann – he of Abfahrt Records fame – would have produced at least one more killer cut on Love Is Not Sex, but nope, not a damn thing I can recall.

If there is an album I might seek out again, it’d be Black Box’s Dreamland, they of the brilliant Italo house tunes Strike It Up and RRBLIIIIDDEE On Time. I only had a tape of it (pro pawning tip: if you’re offered peanuts for a tape, take them, because at least it’s food), so wasn’t sorry to see it go. Another house act that had huge hits was Reel 2 Real, of whom I snagged up a dub version of I Like To Move It. Seeing as how Erick Morillo somehow maintained a credible career following the commercial success of this project, I’m somewhat curious to hear the album proper, Move It!. Odder dance hits have held up to modern scrutiny, after all.

Speaking of odd dance hits, that’s what rounds out the rest of Klassic Kickbacks 4. The Goodmen’s marching-band romp of Give It Up, the sports stadium chant-anthem Fluxland from XL, Afrika Bambaataa’s euro dance hit Feel The Vibe (because really, the Planet Rock guy doing euro dance…?), and Robin S’ Show Me Love. Oh wait, that one’s not odd at all, though definitely an odd-girl out on this CD. I also had the ’94 remix of Hithouse’s Jack To The Sound Of The Underground, but lost it due to the eventual degradation of the burned disc. If only there was a way to get that track again…

2 Unlimited - Jump For Joy (BioMetal, Part 3)

Popular Records: 1996

(Click here to read my original TranceCritic review.)

“Dammit, Anita, what’s its weakness?”

“I… I…” The HALBRED’s scanner still drew blank, unable to identify the cloud of spores. “I don’t know,” she stammered, shaking her head. “Try the rockets.”

“I already have,” Ray shouted in her head. Why’d he have to keep shouting? Was he cracking under the pressure? What hope did they have if he couldn’t hold it together? “They pass through these blasted clouds. No effect at all.”

The HALBRED’s shields had held against the attack, but drained the ship’s auxiliary power fast. If she couldn’t find a way to defeat the spores, they’d overwhelm them, doing who knew what in the process. Maybe there wasn’t a way. Maybe the BioMetals had developed technology they weren’t prepared for. Maybe this was nothing but a fool’s mission, with no hope-

“The source!” she suddenly shouted. “Ray, punch it forward.”

“What? But-“

“Go! And get the main cannon ready.”

The HALBRED emerged from the hidden alcove, and instantly the spore cloud enveloped the ship, tiny balls of synthetic and organic matter attacking the shield spheres tightly orbiting them. Anita drew up another life-sign scan of the cavern ahead. Her first had yielded no BioMetals before, but then it wouldn’t if it was only scanning for familiar forms – frigates, humanoids, even insect types.

“Where am I going?” Ray asked.

“Forward. I’ll let you know when to fire.” With a sharp thrust, the HALBRED plowed into the cloud, carving a wake of yellow spores.

Anita recalibrated her scanner to pick up combinations signs of chitin and cellulose, and immediately her sensors flared red. No surprise the spores surrounding their ship would be filled with them, but she hoped her scanner could pin-point a concentrated area. Within moments, she spotted it, her eyes lighting up as an excited, “Yes!” escaped her mouth, nearly jumping for joy in the process.

“Here,” she said, punching coordinates into the HALBREDs computer. “Fire at this spot and don’t stop until the banks are dry!”

“But there’s nothing-“

“Do it! We’re almost out of shield power!”

A concentrated blast of white-hot energy erupted from the HALBRED’s main cannon. Though neither could see the target, Anita was certain it struck against a wall where three large polyps the size of their ship rested. An explosion rocked the cavern, the cloud of spores falling gently to the surface below soon after.

Anita couldn’t help but smile when she heard Ray’s bewildered request for an explanation. “All these spores were acting independent, yet together,” she explained. “Sort of like fungal communities. I figured they had to be controlled from a central source, but since we’ve never encountered BioMetals of such origin, the ship didn’t recognize them.”

“Huh. Well, let’s hope we don’t encounter any more of these things,” he gruffed.

Not even a ‘good job’, Anita sighed, but she wasn’t surprised either. If the BioMetals had evolved to adapt plant and fungal based organisms too, there was no telling what their deadly potential could be, especially ahead of them.


(If you're hopeless lost as to what's going on, click here.)

ICE MC - Ice' N' Green

Polytel: 1994/1995

I had no idea this Canadian cover for ICE MC's third full-length effort was so unique. I've looked everywhere online for an image of it, yet all I keep finding is the standard 'blue cover'. Maybe I just happened across a rare alternate version, but I recall only ever seeing the 'green cover' in shops around my neck of the woods. It's not like North American covers of other European acts are difficult to find either, but when even the almighty Lord Discogs draws blank (until now!), I have to wonder what's going on. Was ICE MC just not popular enough on this side of the Atlantic for anyone to bother uploading this cover?

That's doubtful. While euro dance in general may not have been the commercial juggernaut current EDM is, it still saw healthy market share on store shelves and radio play, especially here in Canada. ICE MC, one of the hottest acts overseas in '94, was no less in demand here. Hell, I recall seeing cassette tapes of this album in gas stations! When you're sharing rack space with the likes of Shania Twain and Bryan Adams, you must be doing something right on the commercial end of things.

Us Canuckians got more than a new cover (one that made better sense, no less). Ice' n' Green's entire tracklist was re-arranged, spreading the hits out for stronger album flow rather than front-loading everything. Also, as we didn't get this until a year later, an updated remix of Take Away the Colour was added (it's almost German trance!), plus two mega-mixes! Holy cow, if you couldn't get enough of Think About The Way, It's A Rainy Day, and Take Away The Colour, you'll be more than sated by album's end.

Wait, perhaps I should get some background details of ICE MC sorted. First emerging from the hip-house scene behind the tutelage of Italian mega-producer Robyx, Mr. Campbell's early career was respectable enough but hardly anything to write home about. Somewhere along the way, however, the two realized they could have super-hits by jumping on the euro dance bandwagon, but not without some changes. ICE began incorporating more and more dancehall lyricism into his persona, even going so far as to grow dreads and adopting other Rastafarian traits. No longer coming off as some generic rapper, his personality shone through, especially as ragga raps were all the rage in euro dance.

It also didn't hurt that Robyx' productions skills seemingly peaked around this point, every tune on Ice' n' Green memorable in that mid-'90s euro sort of way (having one Alexa belting the choruses didn't hurt either). The Big Three still hold up, the knock-off fillers are charming in their own right (except for Run Fa Cover ...bleh), and stabs at hip-hop (Funkin' Wit You), 'euro' garage (!?), and even world beat (Afrikan Buzz) help give Ice' n' Green a solid assortment of cheesy-fun dance tuneage.

Now, if I could only understand half the words ICE MC's saying.

2 Unlimited - Hits Unlimited

Popular Records: 1995

The only 2 Unlimited collection you need, if you've just a passing interest in the group. It covers the first five years of their discography, and, since it was released in 1995, totally ignores the woeful attempt on Phil Wilde and Jean-Paul de Coster's part to resurrect the brand with two new singers. God, was that ever a disappointment. I could forgive them for bringing those chicks in, but what the Hell happened to their hit-making ability? It’s amazing how a duo responsible for so many all-time great euro dance tunes (including other acts like C.B. Milton, Def Dames Dope, and more) could fail to change with the times when euro trance became the clubbing music of choice. On the other hand, with anthem house enjoying quite the comeback lately (what, you thought 'trouse' was a new thing?), maybe that proper 2 Unlimited reunion will occur as current rumours suggest. It was a similar sound that gave them their breakout, after all.

Let's be clear on this though: 2 Unlimited as a group can only exist with Ray Slijngaard and Anita Dels holding the microphones. Whatever you may think of their vocals, you cannot deny they brought a unique dynamic to the euro dance template. Plenty of rappers stood out enough to have a hit or three during that scene's early '90s heyday, and the same could be said of whatever gal happened to be singing on the chorus. None, however, had as many chart topping hits as 2 Unlimited generated. How many, you ask? Just look at this CD. Every single one of them hit Top 10 in some country (mostly the Netherlands, Spain, and the UK). That's sixteen songs, over a mere five years. In the freakin' '90s! I think only Madonna managed similar dance act chart success (whether you consider her included in that discussion or not). No wonder we still hear Get Ready For This, Twilight Zone, No Limit, Tribal Dance, Workaholic, and The Real Thing today.

So, my 2 Unlimited fanboyism gushing all over the place, obviously I'm going to give Hits Unlimited a high recommendation. Actually, that's not quite the case. As mentioned, this is a good CD if you're just interested in the big tunes and little else. Truth is I find the included versions of these singles lacking compared to their album counterparts. Twilight Zone's cut short, Here I Go’s cut short, we get the not-as-good radio version of No Limit (no, trust me, the album version’s better), and, unsurprisingly, we don’t get the snappy “Who the fuck are you?” sample in Workaholic. Only two tracks here are improvements from the LP versions, Let The Beat Control Your Body (much better!), and Maximum Overdrive.

I’ve little else to say regarding Hits Unlimited, as it’s about as straight-forward a ‘greatest hits’ package as you can expect. Only in this case, each track included well warrants its status as a bona-fide euro dance hit (except new track Spread Your Love... ugh).

2 Unlimited - Get Ready

Quality: 1992

What shame is there with this one? It shouldn’t even be a surprise, as I’ve many times proclaimed 2 Unlimited one of the best acts to emerge from the eurodance scene of the early ‘90s, if not the best. Their hits are timeless in a way so much ‘techno’ of that era isn’t. Of course, it doesn’t hurt they’ve been ridiculously whored out to every sports arena ever, endlessly lodging their catchy hooks and stompin’ beats into the collective consciousness of stadium participants across the globe. Still, if it worked for AC/DC, why not some plucky Belgian group too?

What’s made hits like Get Ready For This and Twilight Zone enduring is how slick they sound, even by today’s standards (you can pump these tunes today and get the same reaction). They’re using all the tropes Belgian rave was popular for, but compared to the underground grit of most records of the time, this stuff has crossover appeal right out the gate. Throw in raps and vocals care of Ray Slijngaard and Anita Dels, and you’ve a formula that went on to be heavily imitated for years to come, though seldom exceeded.

What about this here proper debut album, Get Ready!, then? Everyone knows the hits, but did their album material ever warrant a look? Pft, if you were a fan, damn skippy it did, but I'm not gonna preach to the choir. Sit down and take a gander at what Album-Orientated-Unlimited involved in ye' olde year 1992.

First off are two more hits, The Magic Friend and Workaholic. The former's one of those goofy tunes that was fine back in the day, but doesn't hold up out of its era. Workaholic, however, still packs a punch, a bizarre scratchy synth forming the basis of the main lead; the 'Big Ben' intro also often gets used at sporting events (“get to work, home team!”). The coarse nature of this tune (including that classic “who the fuck are you” sample), along with strong cuts like Rougher Than The Average, Contrast, and Delight show 2 Unlimited still had a sense of the rave scene they spawned from, despite the underground totally disowning them by that point.

Then there are the ballads. Fuck... Forget them, especially the dire Eternally Yours; utterly sap r'n'b knockoffs.

Interestingly, as 2 Unlimited's popularity grew large enough to export Get Ready! upon American shores, some changes were made to the album. Instead of having dedicated sections for Vocal Mixes, Instrumental Mixes, and (ugh) romance, the tunes were re-arranged for stronger album flow. Instrumentals of the non-hits were removed, and the B-side to Get Ready For This, Pacific Walk, was added, a downtempo bit of balearic chill, interesting as a curiosity in 2 Unlimited's discography.

Get Ready is an odd album, all things considered, stuck at a crossroad between raves of before and eurodance of the future. Despite production quality leagues above their contemporaries, the rough edges still show, giving it scrappy fun flavor later releases would lack.

Various - Euro Dance Pool, Volume 2

Sony Music Direct: 1995

One year. That's all it took for euro dance to plummet from its perch. I'm sure sales held just fine, but stagnation had set in. All the charming attributes of the genre eroded away, in its place a shallow shell of glories past. Okay, that's not quite accurate, and the only evidence I'm providing for the argument is this CD. But oh, when we're through...

First, some positives. The opening half of Euro Dance Pool, Volume 2 features a couple returning acts from the first one, namely DJ Company and The Free. Actually, scratch that as a positive – their tracks aren't nearly as good as the ones featured on the previous edition, incredibly generic compared to their original hits. That right there is the problem: all these euro groups became streamlined, homogenized. There’s no distinctiveness or personality among them anymore. On Volume One, you could definitely hear the difference between DJ Company and The Free - now they could be Taboo or Unique for all I can tell. Still, that Look Twice tune makes a good effort to stand out.

The production quality’s the main culprit amongst all these tunes though. The beats sound cheap and flat, many making use of an annoying *tckock-tckock* kick. The hooks are almost non-existent beyond bleating nonsense. And why's this stuff so bloody fast? Yeah, euro often had a quick pace, but this is almost at eurobeat speeds, or even... dear God, you're not taking notes from happy hardcore now, are you!? No, that's not it at all. The raps, they're totally different now. Ragga raps. Wait a damn minute; these are nothing but Maxx rip-offs! Fuck you, Maxx Berman.

And that’s not even the worst of it. Nearly half the tracks are covers of songs that have no business getting covered into dance music. The Gipsy Kings’ Bamboleo doesn't need one. Elvis doesn't need another one. Holy hell, The Sex Pistols unquestionably don't need it! Is this because N-Trance had that stupid hit with Stayin' Alive, so now every two-bit euro producer's trying to cash in?

Ironically, one of the best tunes on Volume 2 is a cover, Dance Floor Virus’ Message In A Bottle (they even released a whole album of Police covers). The tune itself is about as you’d expect of a euro update, but sweet Jesus does singer Filippo Neviani ever nail the vocals! I recall playing this to my old man, about as big a Police fan that I knew of at the time, and he was impressed by how Sting’s cadence was captured. Heck, even ol’ Gordon himself thought it was his own voice that had been sampled. It definitely was a huge selling point for this CD, one of the key tracks played out on advertisements.

But nay, the series died after this, and the regular Dance Pool one shortly afterwards here in Canada. Sony then turned to the poor man’s Chris Sheppard - MC Mario - for their commercial dance mixes here. B’ah...

Various - Euro Dance Pool, Volume 1

Sony Music Direct: 1995

Alright, enough of that noodly ambient-Age stuff. Let's get back to fun music again, specifically euro dance, circa. 1994. A major player at the time was Dance Pool, Sony's subdivision for all things club orientated. The label's reach was far indeed, often responsible for mainland Europe distribution of several key dance releases while cultivating a roster of their own, including Jam & Spoon, B.G. The Prince Of Rap, and Culture Beat.

Thus, when Sony tested the dance waters here in good ol' Canuckaland, many of their releases carried the Dance Pool stamp. May as well, since that upstart Quality and competitor BMG were cashing in on a genre of music that Sony was boss at in Europe. Get a little promotion on MuchMusic’s Electric Circus, and you’re set. The first few volumes had a mix of big euro hits, house smashes, and even hip-hop (Kriss Kross, really!?). Oh, and some oddities cropped up too, like Deep Forest's Sweet Lullaby and remixes of Céline Dion's Misled and The Philosopher Kings’ Charm. Da’ fuq’...?

Yeah, the Dance Pool series didn’t do nearly as well as Canada’s other successful ‘90s dance compilations thanks to such wonky tracklists, but a few memorable releases did find their way to store shelves. Like other euro compilations, Euro Dance Pool went out of its way in bringing over cuts lighting up clubs overseas, but were perhaps not as well known on American shores.

Though this CD was released in ’95, all the tracks were from the year prior, when, as far as I’m concerned, euro dance was at its best. The genre still had ties to the hip-house and Belgian beat it originally drew influence from (re: ripped off), so the bass often had solid shoulder-shufflin’ action while punchy riffs dominated - oh, and raps plus a bird belting out the chorus, but you already knew that. By ’94 though, the sounds of trance were creeping into the scene, which makes sense since a lot of old school trance producers would make a track or three for easy cash. As a result, spacey pad work, stuttering background synths, and galloping rhythms became de facto attributes for euro hit after euro hit. Me likes a lot, and Volume 1 has it in droves.

There’s big, obvious hits like B.G.’s Colour Of My Dreams (though given a very trancey rub), DJ Company’s Rhythm Of Love, and an ode to drunk-dialing (maybe), Lover On The Line by The Free - actually, if the video's anything to go by, it was a bad acid trip. Speaking of fun, daft euro videos, Pharao’s There Is A Star is a right hoot! Elsewhere, Jam & Spoon pop up with their cornball-rave pseudonym Tokyo Ghetto Pussy, the Abfarht team contributes with a Kim Sanders cut, and solid one-offs round out the rest (sans an annoying 2wo Third3 ‘pop’ cut). Overall, Euro Dance Pool’s a fun compilation, showcasing some of the best the genre had to offer.

And it dove right off a cliff after...

Tiësto - Elements Of Life (Original TC Review)

Ultra Records: 2007

(2013 Update:
Proving the old adage it's never so bad that it can't get worse, it's the last album Tiësto produced during his trance era. Oh, if folks only knew what was to come. I suppose he should be given some credit for attempting to branch out into 'minimal' (yes, 2007 Sykonee, that really was what passed for the sound that year), but his old fans totally rejected it and true minimal heads pointed and laughed. Small wonder Mr. Verwest threw up his hands and abandoned all remaining credibility, fleeing to the welcoming embrace of pure commercialized cheese. Hey, at least he finally broke America in a proper fashion that way.

Oh, and I don't know why I was so hard on Bright Morningstar. It's actually one of the better tunes off here. Yeah yeah, I could be an insufferable twat back then, but Tiësto's a goofy twat, so there's synergy.)


IN BRIEF: That’s it?

Having accomplished so much this decade, it’s hard to imagine Mr. Tijs Verwest could achieve more, but the Dutch superstar DJ rarely backs down from a challenge: popularity polls, stadium gigs, Olympics, even Disneyland have been conquered. As a result though, his actual musical output has become secondary to all these large achievements, and folks are far more interested in what his Next Big Stunt will be instead. Sponsorship of Microsoft’s inevitable iPod knock-off? An entire clothing and cologne line? The first DJ to play on the moon? It places quite the expectation upon him to deliver what his hype demands.

Even so, although it may be unfair to judge Tijs’ music in this context, you cannot escape the fact the name Tiësto has come to represent dance music excess. And like many similar pop stars, he is counted upon to deliver on those grounds - as an example, Madonna always seems to make a comeback every time she returns to her dance-pop strengths after periods of unwanted artistic indulgence. Fans put stars in their positions because they deliver what the fans want, and few are going to buy a new Tiësto album if he doesn’t deliver big trance-pop moments with theatrics to spare.

It is therefore with a surprising lack of such bombast Mr. Verwest has delivered his third album titled Elements Of Life. Oh, not in the hype department: his PR machine has done plenty there. Rather, the music contained on here is decidedly lacking in execution. Far too much sounds like going through the motions, and repeated listens reveal less and less each time.

The first couple tracks get things on the right foot, mind. Opener Ten Minutes Before Sunrise is a pretty piece of mellow trance, and sets the mood nicely. Follow-up Everything builds upon that with a groovy rhythm and catchy vocal hooks by Jes Brieden of Motorcycle fame. Once again, she supplies thinly disguised lyrics about being on ecstasy (“Everything sounds better/Everything looks brighter/Everything tastes better/Everything you do feels better”) ...heh, maybe. It could just as easily be about love, but c’mon! Why wouldn’t she go for drug innuendo again when that was one of the biggest charms of As The Rush Comes?

When Mr. Verwest tries a stab at ‘minimal’ though is where things begin to sound suspect. Yes, those are apostrophes around the word, so Do You Feel Me and Carpe Noctrum really aren’t minimal, despite Tiësto’s claims to the contrary. Try deep house for the former, super-simple techno for the latter, and both lacking the nuances minimal proper is known for. Still, though they scream of trend jumping, they’re satisfactory offerings nonetheless.

Unfortunately, Elements Of Life seems to completely run out of interesting ideas from here on out.

Skipping Driving To Heaven since it has ‘filler’ written all over it (it abruptly ends after a rote looping synth build), we enter the BT section of Elements Of Life. Now, there was lots of excited talk about having Mr. Transeau collaborate with Mr. Verwest on this album, many figuring BT’s epic musical masterpieces from the past would influence the Dutch DJ’s sonic palette. Sadly, we get ‘pop’ BT instead: great production but predictable melodies, many of which amount to little and are forgotten shortly after. It’s like the most MOR of euro-dance with far more studio work done than is necessary. Sweet Things does have a catchy chorus, mind, but little else. Meanwhile Bright Morningstar is just a step above filler, and Break My Fall with BT himself on vocal duties could have been any number of toss-off euro-dance fluff pieces from the mid-90s.

And then there’s In The Dark, the lead single with a bunch of hullabaloo over it as Tiësto’s big attempt to grab the holy grail of dance music: breaking America. According to him, this is the kind of track U2 would produce if they made dance music. Um, no, Tijs. U2 already made dance music, it was called Discoteque, remember? And this sounds nothing like Discoteque. In The Dark is like any other regular euro pop trance tune, but with more of the ‘emo singer’ spin on it that’s becoming common in dance lately. And he’s genuinely calling this ‘rocktronic’? A term that’s more of a chin-stroker’s joke to describe electronic music with rock overtones? (LCD Soundsystem, Infadels, Primal Scream... this is ‘rocktronic’, if such an official term ever existed) I thought his buzzword jumping was already laughable with ‘minimal’ - this is beyond comical.

If you’ve resisted becoming cynical to this album up to this point, the final stretch will break even the most dedicated fanboy. Dance4Life - Tiësto’s cheap Faithless knock-off - may have had good intentions when he made it, but like so many pop stars doing charity, the sincerity of it is severely questioned when he pumps so much money into concerts dedicated to himself. And the title track itself? It’s ridiculous bombast, looping a Bach melody with different synth patches until the melody itself is distorted beyond anything listenable - Spinal Tap would have been proud, as Tiësto certainly seems to be trying to crank the effects to eleven.

It doesn’t bode well for the album when the bonus track, He’s A Pirate, is one of the more enjoyable songs to be heard, as that’s a rather average trance tune to begin with (though I do admit I kind of enjoy music where the buckles swash). Does Tiësto figure his name is big enough that he can get away with only the most basic tenets of dance music and shift oodles of units? He may be famous, but not that famous.

Maybe his touring schedule doesn’t leave him enough time to concentrate on his studio work anymore. Maybe he’s guessing the only way to break America is to dumb down his formula. Or maybe even he too realizes that his music will always be secondary to his stunts now that his star has gotten so big, and there is no reason to put much effort into it when the simplest will suffice.

Whatever the reason, Elements Of Life is ultimately a mediocre dance release. There are moments that will entertain but all too often the end results are anti-climatic and stale. Save your money and go see his concerts instead for your Tiësto-endorsed entertainment.