Fun Factory - Nonstop! The Album

Attic: 1994

When I first heard Fun Factory's big hits Close To You and Take Your Chance, it marked the first time I had doubts about my two-year strong love affair with euro-dance. By no means the worst tunes of that scene I'd come across, something about the group struck me as too manufactured. Yeah, yeah, almost all euro-dance acts were studio engineered and mass marketed with pretty faces lip-syncing on stage and videos, and even in my youthful naivety I accepted that so long as some semblance of authenticity emerged with the performers. This four-piece though, I dunno. It seemed the producers behind Fun Factory (German-based Team33) had a check-list of every detail necessary for a hit euro act, and dutifully marked them all down.

Some pre-requisites filled: a hot chick on the chorus (who may or may not have done the actual vocals), the black rapper (!), a white ragga rapper (!!), and a dancer (!?). Actually, I’ll give this factory of fun-stuffs credit for giving the dancer an official role within the group, something it seems only The Prodigy could pull off with any credibility. On the music front, you’ve got a Snap! tune, a Maxx track, a Felix (Rollo) riff, rhythms similar to the Abfahrt Records camp, and is that a little Ace Of Base reggae in there too? Yep, whatever formula was out there for a euro-dance hit, Fun Factory got in on that, and then some (is Prove Your Love eurobeat?).

Right, plenty of cynicism for Nonstop! The Album on my front. Why do I even have Fun Factory's debut album, then? Reason number one: if I see a euro-dance collection from 1994 sitting in a used CD shop, I've developed a reflex action of instantly picking it up, no questions asked. Don't judge me, that year was the absolute bomb for euro. Hell, this album's proof of it, where despite as canned as Fun Factory comes across, there's still plenty of ear-wormy dance-pop tunes throughout.

The second reason, and where I’ll give Team33 the most credit for, is how Nonstop! The Album does all it can in making this a strong LP experience. Alongside the aforementioned euro-dance and reggae-pop jams, there’s pure anthem techno (Fun Factory’s Groove), throwback Belgian beat (Fun Factory’s Theme), soul-croon (I Miss Her), hip-hop freestyle (erm, Freestylin’), and crap R&B ballad (Hey Little Girl ...oh God, is this track ever shit). You could make the cynical argument this is just Fun Factory covering all the bases, but the way this album’s presented, I don’t get that vibe. Despite their seemingly artificial formation, there’s a sense of genuine earnestness from all the participants - they’re committed to the act, and those who listen to Fun Factory are in on the act as well. Its euro-dance that makes no apologies for its commercial nature, and it’s gonna’ give you all that it can give. Try telling that to Teenage Sykonee though, who felt euro-dance should be serious and shit. G’ah.

Lab 4 - None Of Us Are Saints (Original TC Review)

Resist Music: 2006

(2014 Update:
I'll keep this short, because Lord knows this old review's too long as it is - the upcoming Northern Exposure reviews will have fewer words combined than what I spent detailing this album with.

So, how awesome is it that Lab 4 went out as they did, eh? Legacy intact, no cringe-worthy bandwagon jumps, forever maintained as one of the UK's most fondly remembered live hard-dance acts. Both members still play out at occasional solo gigs, but the Lab 4 mystique remains as solid as ever. That's how you do it in this business, friends, though a reunion tour in a couple more years wouldn't hurt no one, nosiree I says.)


IN BRIEF: A dark light in the realms of hard dance.

It’s been a long time since I willingly dove into any modern hard dance music. As I’m sure many previous reviews [at TranceCritic] can attest to, the reason for this is simple: a lot of it isn’t any good. Many producers have such a hard-on over pushing the ‘loud’ factor to extremes with all this new technology, they seem to have forgotten how to actually write anything other than a massive breakdown/build with tuneless screeching synths bookended by throbbing beats. Granted, hardcore never was about subtlety, but at least the hooks were memorable back in the day. When not pillaging old tunes for inspiration, everything sounds like toss-offs for DJs lately.

But perhaps my impressions of this music are due to what’s been handed to me to review, an admittedly lackluster bunch of DJ mixes and singles. Perhaps my recent distaste for it would be cured, or at least lessened, were I to hear a better offering. Perhaps what I need is a familiar trusted name to ease me back into the fold. Enter Lab 4.

Adam Newman and Les Elston harken back to an era when live PAs ruled the roost and the DJ merely warmed them up. And despite the glorification of the guy who just plays records since, Lab 4 have held their own as a live act. Their continued domination of the UK’s hard dance circuits lies in their uncompromising blend of aggressive synths and devastating beats. Yet, unlike many hard dance acts, Lab 4 have also managed to keep from falling into self-parody; their tracks will often push you to the threshold but rarely to idiotic extremes, no easy feat in a scene where the phrase ‘less is more’ is blasphemy.

So what kind of hard dance does a pair of gearheads produce? Why, anything that comes to mind obviously. And instead of playing favorites to a particular scene, Lab 4 instead aim to give you a taste of everything. The result is two discs worth of music, which begs a question: is there enough diversity in the hard dance realm to maintain one’s interest for nearly one-hundred sixty minutes? Well, your typical hardstyle fanboy will yell, “Fuck yeah ”, but their idea of diverse tracks ends with two different notes in an eight-bar synth riff. What about those with a more discerning taste?

Just enough. Each disc wisely mixes the tracks between techno stompers and hardcore bosh-fests instead of separating the two, which keeps things from sounding too repetitive (and believe me, it can get very repetitive fast). Also, Lab 4 doesn’t settle for just a couple genres of hard dance; every track has a unique twist that helps it stand out from the rest. But before we talk about those, let’s check out the opener of each disc, both of which are breakbeat!

Well, Restless World is only half breakbeat before settling into standard hard house. This one’s not all that good, mainly for the fact two singing divas clash horribly like a bad mash-up. The Syndicate though, now that’s some tasty action-movie big beat there.

Alright then. The techno. Unfortunately, this is all over the map. Lab 4 decide the best route for this material is in mechanical sounds, which has always been techno’s playground. However, their choice of sounds isn’t terribly interesting. At best, they’ll have some quirkiness to them that’ll intrigue (The Ritual and Use The Nitro are good examples) but at worst, they come across like weak Plastikman impressions (the god awful Nightmare). Mainly though, when the rhythms are showing some cleverness aside from straight-forward plodding (Use The Nitro in particular actually comes across rather funky given the surroundings), these techno cuts are decent enough.

Some of them also make use of chunky acid assaults. Now, normally I’m all for acid tweakege, but Lab 4 don’t quite go for the jugular as we’ve known they have in the past. Tracks like Daisy Cutter and Blackstar aren’t nearly as exciting as they could be, but that could also be due to rote rhythms in those tracks (although Blackstar does have a decent, albeit unassuming, bassline). And what exactly were they shooting for in Efini? What a mess that one turned out.

Ultimately though, we’re here to hear some big hooks and pounding beats. On this front, our intrepid duo doesn’t disappoint. Some may be quick to lump it into the hardstyle category, but there is a very important distinction here that makes the beats oh so much better: whereas hardstyle will compress the effects on their kicks so much that it punches you in the gut and creates zero resonance, Lab 4 let that resonance carry to huge levels. When they unleash their thunderous kicks, Lab 4 can make even the smallest stereo sound as big as any stadium; loud and enveloping. As for your hooks, they certainly are big and noisy for all to enjoy, but there are a few stumbles at points as well.

To get it out of the way, here’s my one gripe: some of these breakdowns go on for too bloody long. Mind, I’m not talking about Scot Project levels of idiocy, but whenever Lab 4 dawdle in a breakdown to let synths play with big pauses, it kills the momentum of the track. Neu Messiah is a particular annoying example of this, mainly because the payoff just doesn’t live up to all that downtime. In other tracks like 4 Those About 2 and Pump It, it’s just enough, but nothing to get terribly excited about, especially compared to what else is on here.

Ah, yes. With all the rudimentary material out of the way, we finally, we get to the goods... almost (Hah! How’s this for Scot Project levels of teasing, eh?). First off, I must mention the Guilty Pleasures of these hard tracks. Hellboy: once again proving apocalyptic choirs and hardcore beats go wonderfully together. The NRG: unabashedly reach-for-the-lasers trancecore; normally I hate this stuff but as a one-off here, sure what the hell. The Uprising: rabble-rousing hooligan fun. Alright, now I will get to the goods.

Let’s face it. When Lab 4 step up to the plate for hard dance of this caliber, you’re guaranteed a home-run; a tomahawk jam; a spin-o-rama deke backhander into the top corner of the net gloveside. Their choice of hooks and synths are frighteningly aggressive, which goes incredibly well with their chaotic arrangements. You feel you’re on a roller-coaster to Hell, with the wheels just barely clinging to the tracks as you freewheel into the pit. Gangstah, Invaderz, and the new mixes of Groove Overdrive and Requiem all deliver on these fronts. Oh, and yes, their cover (remix?) of the Nine Inch Nails track Perfect Drug.

This track shows just how good these guys are at what they do. On paper, Perfect Drug is filled with ingredients that have made me despise hardstyle as of late: typical hardstyle beats (it still carries resonance, but it certainly is far more compressed than most of the other tracks); that stupid synth that sounds like screeching tires; a hook that isn’t their own. However, once all the establishing elements sort themselves out and things get down to business, this track absolutely destroys my cynicism towards this stuff. After all, if you’re going to go hard, why not unleash everything you got, mother-fucking breakbeats and all.

Of the two remixes of Perfect Drug included here, Nightbreed’s is a functional jungle go in the Dieselboy vein. DJ Starscream’s remix is delightfully demented though. Big throbbing beats and glitchy tuneless effects make up the bulk, occasionally teasing you with the chorus until he finally gives you what you’re craving (both at the same time) at the very end. Add this one to the Guilty Pleasure list.

I’m sure all the hardstyle fanboys out there are thinking they’ve managed to ‘win one’ for their side after all the nice things I’ve had to say about None Of Us Are Saints, but I’d hold off on that parade just yet. Lab 4 is undoubtedly one of the premier acts in the hard dance scene... or at least they used to be. It would seem the duo has decided to take an indefinite hiatus from touring and producing, and they do deserve a well-earned break after all this time. Unfortunately, it does create an uncertain void out there, one of which may be difficult to fill. Are there any acts out there willing to step up their game and meet the challenge? Maybe, maybe not. If not though, their absence will be felt.

Although this release may not be consistent all the way through (very few double albums are, to be honest), when they are on their game Lab 4 show why they will be missed. Too few hard dance acts manage to balance reckless assaults with enduring hooks anymore, and that scene has suffered as a result. Sure, the new kiddies still get their kicks with the new stuff, but Newman and Elston give us ‘older’ folks (we’re talkin’ late 20s/early 30's, heh) something to satisfy our craniums while boshing away.

Written by Sykonee for TranceCritic.com, 2006. © All rights reserved.

16 Bit Lolita's - Non Verbal Language / Back To One (Original TC Review)

Hope Records: 2007

(2014 Update:
So we waited for 16 Bit Lolita's to drop a second proper album. And waited. And waited. And waited. And wai- Oh hey, there's finally an LP ...Released in 2012, and only digital, but still! Kriek and Olierook definitely kept busy between though, releasing many singles through their own Bits & Pieces digi-label, with a few additional EPs on Anjunadeep as well. All the while, they maintained their cred as one of progressive house's go-to acts for solid productions, even as the genre kept shifting and morphing into things like tech-house or deep house or whatever it is now.

Not much else to add to this review. There were two other remixes of Non Verbal Language on the digi-version which I didn't cover at the time, since I only ever initially got vinyl rips for review. The tunes still hold up all this time after, and given how much I've come to enjoy that earlier Coldharbour sound, I'm liking Back To One even more than before. Strange days.)


IN BRIEF: Prog’s new darlings?

It’s been a while since we’ve seen a breakout prog act with consistency. Many either produce a track or two before following their muse elsewhere (Holden) or fall prey to commercialized pap (Schulz). It remains to be seen if Peter Kriek and Ariaan Olieroock - or 16 Bit Lolita’s, a name that is every Grammar-Nazi’s nightmare - will follow these paths but with a steady stream of good tunes, the duo are showing great promise in resisting them. While not strictly prog house, 16BL gained most of their current momentum when DJs in this field clued into their singles. However, here’s not the place to delve too deeply into such details. We might as well wait for their next album regarding these matters (or their old one, if we ever get around to covering it, heh).

In the meantime, let’s take a quick look at their first single of 2007. Some of their fans are worrying that 16BL’s growing profile might lead them to trendy sounds in order to push their careers further. A valid concern, but if this single is any indication, it seems the duo are in no hurry to do so.

The A-Side is the slower cut, and it’s a deep one indeed. Spacey pads slide over grooving rhythms, crafting a murky tune that’s more concerned about atmosphere than the dancefloor. Dialogue and additional sounds crop up at points, adding to the setting but never dominating the focus. In fact, Non Verbal Language doesn’t have much focus at all, going about its business like a brief diversion from the day. This either helps or hinders, depending on what you expect out of the track. It probably makes better sense in the opening parts of a deep prog set, but as a stand-alone, there’s still some nifty soundscapes for your ears to gorge on.

Back To One on the flip is more fun. First off, the rhythms are spunkier, with little sound effects adding a chipper feeling that will form a silly smile on your face. The bassline drops, adding some extra bounce, and soon the quaint melody enters. And it’s a lovely little thing, using pleasing tones and melancholy notes that push all the right emotive buttons. Mind, it could also be considered borderline saccharine, similar to what the Coldharbour crew tend to churn out, but 16BL hold back just enough to keep Back To One in the realms of class.

Although these two songs aren’t huge by any stretch, they are nicely done and will serve as fine tide-overs until their next production. Any concerns that Kriek and Olieroock may drift from the path their fans enjoy should be put to rest with this single.

Written by Sykonee for TranceCritic.com, 2007. © All rights reserved

Open Canvas - Nomadic Impressions

Groove Unlimited/Waveform Records: 1997/1998

I bang on Waveform Records quite a bit, but truth be told, there was a period I'd all but given up on the label. Something about their late '90s output never clicked with me, which was grade-A nimrodery on my part since I was only going by cover art. One should never judge a body of music by its CD design, yet with the tacky CGI of Ancient Alien (based on a video game, no less) and silliness of Earthjuice (even the name was a head-scratcher), you'd forgive me for thinking Waveform was slipping. Not helping matters was this particular album from Open Canvas, looking like the sort of New Age pap you'd find in stores surrounded by chakra crystal stones, or whatever. Hell, I couldn't even tell whether Open Canvas was the name of the artist or the album – maybe both, for all I knew. I became a fan of Waveform because they opened my ears to a world of chill-out of more substance than Deep Forest and Enya, not because they offered more of the same.

Man, could I be an entitled brat about my music listening habits back then. What I didn’t realize at the time was Waveform was in the process of branching out from its early ambient techno and dub sound cribbed from Beyond, a plan that included dipping their toes into earthly, meditative ambient music. Yeah, yeah, that sounds dangerously close to New Age, but again, I should have had more faith in Waveform to not cross that divide. While I’ve yet to hear every album they’ve put out in this vein, what I have heard always retains a degree of sophistication often lacking in run-of-the-mill New Age, music that invokes captivating imagery with its soothing calm.

Tuu was the first of these acts to find a re-distribution deal with Waveform. Another early name was Gregory Kyryluk, who’s released several ambient albums as Alpha Wave Movement. Less frequently, he’s released music as Open Canvas, where he indulges in Middle Eastern harmonies and vistas. I guess that was enough similarity to some of the world-beat leaning acts Waveform had already put out for the label to give a re-distribution deal for Mr. Kyryluk’s first album under this alias.

I can’t say I was convinced of the Open Canvas stylee after the first few tracks here. It’s not that they’re cliché or devoid of musical substance – I simply didn’t hear anything terribly unique in Mr. Kyryluk’s song craft. It’s rather like hearing the moody score to a low budget TV series, but without any visual frame of reference.

Yet somehow, as Nomadic Impressions plays through, I find myself caught up in his sparse, desert vistas. I’m no longer sitting in a chair watching an Arabian caravan or desert marketplace - I’m actually in that setting! Well damn, that’s all I was hoping for at the start of this venture. Why couldn’t I have just let myself be swept in to start with? Oh, right, that cover...

Various - Nokturnel Mix Sessions: Robert Oleysyck

Topaz: 2000

Nokturnel Mix Sessions had kicked things off fine with Blue Amazon, and Bill Hamel was a decent follow-up. After that though, the list of recognizable jocks Topaz tapped for their DJ mix series ran out pretty fast. Maybe within localized scenes, chaps like DJ Moda and OS/2 were a bigger deal – there are countless examples of “big fish, small ponds” throughout the DJ world, the sort of dependable rinsers the touring stars would insist as their warm-up guys. And there’s nothing wrong with that, many content and comfortable with that level of fame. Unfortunately, when it comes to promoting an upstart trance label, the lack of big-name recognition can hurt long-term prospects, no matter how promising the early output is.

Take this mix from Robert Oleysyck, the third of the Nokturnel Mix Series (I figured the order out, praise be catalogue numbers). Do you know him? Don’t be ashamed if you don’t, though if you were into this music to any degree in the year 2000 while living in America, you might have come across his name. For you see, he passed the time writing trance reviews in the pages of Mixer (essentially America’s Mixmag) alongside his DJing. In a coincidence I’m sure Mixer’s editors had a good chortle over, Oleysyck was even tasked with reviewing the initial volley of Nokturnel Mix Sessions, including his own mix for the series. Aw man, how can anyone maintain journalistic integrity reviewing their own work? I can’t recall what he wrote, but I do remember he gave himself a 7/10, about as political an approach to this conundrum as any.

As for me, yeah, I’d rank this a seven too, if I did numerical scores anymore. One thing I’ll give Mr. Oleysyck credit for is he definitely knows how to put together a progressive trance CD. In fact – and I know I’m going way out on a limb saying this - Nokturnel Mix Sessions (this one) is possibly the most perfect summation of that scene I’ve ever heard. What ol’ Robert accomplishes within the context of one CD, most releases took two or even three discs to get across.

What works best about this mix is Oleysyck’s patience, spending the opening few tracks on sparse, groovy prog-house like Sander Kleinenberg’s Frog Dancing - even the opening ‘anthemy’ cut of Saints & Sinners’ Thin Ice is relatively subdued and chill. Can’t deny making a similar mix from Space Manoeuvres’ Stage One to Kleinenberg’s Sacred as Sasha did on GU: 013 reeks of jock riding, but Oleysyck somehow outdoes Mr. Coe’s finale from that classic mix, relegating Bedrock’s Heaven Scent to mere ‘third status’ near the end. Instead Christian West’s Eterna and Jon Vesta’s Gull mark our proper climax, the latter of which deserves far more appreciation compared to other progressive trance anthems of the era. Definitely a solid capper on a strong set from Oleysyck, though the rest of his mix contains little else innovative.

Various - Nokturnel Mix Sessions: Bill Hamel

Topaz: 1999

Nokturnal Mix Sessions was Topaz Records' premier DJ mix series – okay, only DJ mix series. They released around half-a-dozen of these CDs, but few names beyond the third-tier of trance jocks were ever featured. Blue Amazon's likely the most immediately recognizable name, and perhaps Scott Stubbs too, if you were following Topaz with any regularity (guy was all over the label). Bill Hamel's also a chap folks should know if they were fans of the deeper end of progressive house. Already a steady producer in the scene – including a single on Bedrock during their 'dark prog' years, though mostly releasing through his own Sunkissed Records print – Hamel wasn't much known for DJing, this mix in fact being his first official release. He followed it with an early contribution to Balance (aka: the pre-James-Holden era, when hardly anyone gave EQ Recordings much notice), but by and large kept his name in the realm of studio works.

As Topaz was hoping to establish itself as an American contender to the UK’s dominance in progressive trance circles, you bet this edition of Nokturnal Mix Sessions (Volume two? Fourth edition? I can only guess where this one falls in order with the series) is gonna’ crib some of its stylee from the big G.U.’s main players. Hamel’s sound found some kinship with John Digweed of the time, which probably led to his getting a bit chummier with Bedrock a few years after this mix. There’s quite a bit similarity to Digweed’s GU014: Hong Kong double-disc here, though obviously not as computer perfect with the mixing. Hell, I think this was a live turntable session.

After a blissy bit of Balearic business in Changing Shape’s Keep It On (some might know it better as the repurposed 16B track Keep On Changing Shape), Hamel quickly moves into chugging tech-house prog-whatever. Names like Medway, Smith & Selway, and DJ Remy – yeah, that sound – make up this section, but unfortunately ol’ Bill has no easy way of transitioning it into prog-trance territory afterwards. Just as well, then, he slightly cheats the process with the Incisions Mix of Travel’s Pray To Jerusalem, what with its break-beaty breakdown easing the clashing styles. Damn mint tune by the end of it though, progressive trance vibes in all its glorious 1999 heyday. Hell, throw in another ace Incisions remix of a Travel track (Bulgaria), plus Mr. Faber’s own Amorak, and you’d be forgiven for thinking this was an Incisions showcase – going by these tunes, he does deserve more props, methinks.

The rest of Nokturnal Mix Sessions – Bill Hamel’s Incisions Love In plays about as you’d expect a Digweed inspired set of this time would. Hell, I kept expecting Heaven Scent to emerge as the set climax, despite the fact Hamel used the Evolution Dub of the Bedrock anthem at the midway point of this mix. Though a notch below the premier mixes of the era, this is a perfectly acceptable progressive trance CD for one's collection.

Masta Killa - No Said Date

Nature Sounds: 2004

The '00s weren't nearly as musically bad of a decade for the Wu-Tang Clan as most remember. During those years though, you'd be forgiven thinking otherwise – good albums are fine, but most expected instant classics nearly every release. That said, a few such exceptional LPs found their way onto store shelves that decade, one of which took everyone by surprise: Masta Killa's debut album, No Said Date. Yes, the final official Clan member, who only got one verse out of the entirety of the Very Important Wu-Tang Album Enter The 36 Chambers, and who fans of the group seldom name-dropped as their favourite member, knocked it out of the ball-park on his first try.

At a time when speculation of an inevitable breakup of the group was rampant, seeing the whole Wu-fam’ on a single LP was a strong selling point for No Said Date (not to mention extended members Streetlife, Killah Priest, and Prodigal Sunn along for the show). RZA behind the producer’s chair for a number of tracks, plus his studio disciples Mathematics and True Master contributing too, helped complete the ‘vintage Wu-Tang Clan’ feel of this album. Folks had been waiting for half that decade for it, and was delivered by the least likely chap.

What works in No Said Date’s favour is fully acknowledging Mr. Turner’s role within the Clan, the final puzzle-piece of the RZA’s initial Grand Plan. Mr. Diggs, numerological nut that he is, felt it necessary to have nine proper ‘monks’ within Wu-Tang, some of whom he’d have to tutelage, guiding them to discover their inherent rap talents. Masta Killa was essentially the rookie, and definitely took some time to develop a strong persona. It’s a testament to Noodles’ dedication to the lyrical craft that he didn’t rush releasing a solo album, only putting himself out there when he felt totally confident in his skills. It was worth the wait, Mister Masta sounding as much a seasoned veteran on No Said Date as any of his fellow Clansmen that show up here. And show-up they all do indeed.

Want some throwback funk with ODB warbling? Old Man’s got you covered. Street tales from Raekwon and Ghostface? D.T.D.’s your cut. Reflections of the inner city life as only told by Inspectah Deck and GZA? Get your ears on Silverbacks. Confounding production as done by RZA? Oh hi, School. And don’t figure Masta Killa’s simply along for the lyrical ride on these tracks either - his verses are just as vital and distinct as those from his Clan-fam’.

Noodles shines though, on two tracks: Digi Warfare and Masta Killa. The former’s an awesome electro throwback, brought to the modern era with excellent sonic chops from long time New York house producer Choco. The latter, final track, in making use of Far-East harmonies and Bruce Lee’s classic “be like water” speech, serves as a strong summation of Masta Killa’s career; a justified, celebratory moment for a man who proved patience is one of music’s finest virtues.

2 Unlimited - No One (BioMetal, Pt. 5)

Quality Music: 1995

(Click here to read my original TranceCritic review.)

“Are you ready for this, Anita?”

“Is that some kind of joke?”

Ray smiled. “How do you mean?”

Her reply was quick and exasperated. “We’ve had all manner of horrors thrown at us! Things both living and machine, mutations of animals common and exotic, the very walls around us pulsating and breathing like we’re inside the intestine of an asteroid-sized BioMetal. We just made it through of wall of crustaceans, each as big as our ship! And you’re asking me if I’m ready for whatever’s lurking inside that cavern?”

Ray checked his weapon and shield gauges, each still in the process of recharging, an estimation of but a few minutes before they could proceed. Some of the strongest life-signs they’d encountered yet rested just beyond the darkness before them, readings capping out nearly every sensor designed to monitor for BioMetals. Either an armada even larger than the one the HALBARD had tore a path of devastation through lay ahead, or, as Anita speculated, a central ‘brain’ complex that controlled them all. Either way, it looked like a fight to the finish, and they’d need all their spare energy reverses locked and loaded before taking it on.

“It’s probably a big, blobous tentacle,” Ray quipped, tapping a steady rhythm on the panel to his right. “Like, maybe a squid-thing, with a huge beak that could snap our ship in two if we got too close. I don’t think we’ve seen one of those yet.”

“Huh, it’s no more ludicrous than the dragon-thing we already killed.”

Ray chortled. “There, see, it’s not hard to see the lighter side of all this nonsense.”

Anita sighed again, but it was different this time, less irritation than Ray was used to hearing from her. It felt like her breath somehow billowed out from his earpiece, coursing through his body and settling just under his skin. He shuffled in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “How do you do it, Ray?” she asked. “Keep optimistic even in such abhorrent surroundings?”

Ray pursed his lips, surprised he had to think a bit for a reply. “Hope, I guess,” he finally said. “That there’s something better than being a ‘hot-shot’ pilot with a skill for killing BioMetals in my future. Maybe settle down in a tropical paradise, make a little tango music.”

“It takes two to tango,” Anita quietly said.

Ray smiled. “Is that an offer?”

“Maybe. We’ll see, after we kick the last of these BioMetals’ asses.”

“Hah, do BioMetals even have asses?”

Anita giggled. “Honestly, no one knows, and I don’t care to be the first to find out.”

Ray powered the HALBARD’s system’s back on, the ship humming back to life. “Me neither. Let’s end this!”

HOW DOES THE THRILLING BIOMETAL SAGA CONCLUDE?
Oh, you know: big bad beat, galaxy saved for another epoch, Ray and Anita do victory parades, General Wilde retires to Planet Kaypewsolaceniceawesome, Dr. de Coster disappeared into a black hole of his own invention. Usual space opera stuff.


(If you're hopeless lost as to what's going on, click here.)

Del! The Funky Homosapien - No Need For Alarm

Elektra: 1993

While I've no doubt Del's ire against “wack MC's” was primarily directed toward those on his side of the pond, it sure is funny hearing him spouting off on lyrical lameness after I indulged a stretch of euro-dance raps. I can only imagine what the Funkee Homosapien would have thought if the likes of 2 Unlimited and Maxx had as much influence in America as they did in Europe, and how viciously he'd go for them if he cared to. Just as well Del focused his attention on his immediate competition in the hip-hop game, the silliness of euro hardly worthy of his wrath.

As for what got him so pissed off in the first place, I honestly don't know. Long-gone is the laid-back, funkadelic, 'lighter side of life' vibes that made up his debut album (Wrong Place notwithstanding). Perhaps one too many R&B chart-toppers finally broke his backpack, or maybe hip-hop’s growing dependence on gangsta tropes to shift units left him jaded with the art. Why should he have to spit about material he had no real experience with, nor wanted to fabricate to appease label heads? The core of rapping was about proving who could command a microphone and hold an audience’s attention with your lyrical skills. By 1993, too much of it had devolved into style over substance, flashy stage presence over verbal dexterity, and slick video mugging over direct connection to the kids in the streets. Fuck that noise, says Del - he just wasn’t gonna’ take it anymore.

No Need For Alarm has him removing the gloves, taking the entire hip-hop scene to task with an endless barrage of battle-raps. The opening salvo of tracks - You’re In Shambles, Catch A Bad One, Wack M.C.’s, and No Need For Alarm - became classics of the burgeoning ‘backpack rap’ scene, where lyrics cutting down hip-hop’s lamest, clichéd tendencies are the norm. This still being a young Del, however, he can’t help himself falling into some of the violent metaphors much of gangsta rap was littered with at the time. Catch A Bad One is filled with tons of aggressive imagery (to say nothing about “ripping heads off” of stuck-up girls in Boo Booheads!). He obviously wouldn’t literally do these things, but it’s a rather shocking side of Del he left behind long ago, unparalleled wordplay now his preferred weapon of choice.

Completing the ‘strictly underground’ vibe of this album is the bare-bones production, including jazz samples of wobbly cellos, out-of-tune horns, and muddy-as-shit rhythms. When your showcase is Del lyrically riding whatever beat you throw at him, you don’t want glossy nonsense getting in the way. Not exactly a strong selling point for, then, if Deltron 3030’s more your thing. Honestly though, No Need For Alarm serves best as a time-capsule, where Del not only stepped out from the shadows of a bloating hip-hop scene, but became a champion of heads hungry for underground, lyrical warriors mercilessly decimating false idols. He’d only get better from here.

Maxx - No More (I Can't Stand It) (2014 Update)

Quality Music: 1994

(Click here to read my original TranceCritic review.)

Ah, hmm. I guess Maxx never had their own video game tie-in I can fanficify, did they. I'm gonna' have to do a real 2014 Update for this single, aren't I. Man, you don't want that. You know how boring it would have been had I done the same for all those 2 Unlimited singles? My original reviews were exhaustively detailed, and while not always entirely accurate, in no need of updating. I'll grant possibly only two people on the planet get a kick out of those BioMetal stories, but I write them for my amusement, a break from my usual fare. Dammit, why couldn't Maxx have been more popular than 2 Unlimited? Not even a CD-ROM soundtrack credit? *sigh*

Actually, listening to No More again, I’m surprised how well it’s held up to this day. Despite lacking the polish of Maxx’ first hit, Get-A-Way (Team Samira, yo’!), there remains an undeniable craft to its pop production. Maybe it’s the fact Gary Bokoe’s ‘raggamuffin’ approach to the requisite euro-dance rap sounds unlike any other out there. Seriously, compared to the endless copycats that emerged after Maxx’ success, Gary comes off remarkably unique. I think the only reggae-rapper in that scene that outmatched him was ICE MC, and he had the benefit of heritage on his side. What’s a silly German outfit like Maxx doing emulating the UK’s fascination with reggae-dance music?

There’s a lot of music from the ‘90s that’s hopelessly dated to those years. Some of it, like old school rave, big beat, and prog-house with ethnic chants continue to work in spite of their datedness, a nostalgia for the long-gone scenes they sprung up within. Conversely, this same factor works against some genres if the memories and events tied to them remind us of things the music world would much rather forget – New Jack Swing probably won’t see a comeback since everything we associate with the genre spotlights the commercial urban scene’s desperate attempt at cashing in on hip-hop street authenticity.

Euro-dance of the ‘90s exists in a funny realm between the two, primarily due to an explosive birth of creativity, followed by years of shameless rehashing and generic retreads (music turned “beige”, as ICE MC put it). Yeah, I’m being liberal with the term ‘creativity’, but consider: in combining hip-house, italo, and anthem ‘techno’, euro-dance struck upon a formula that had never been done before, and opened a wide door of potential genre blending. The most memorable tunes of this era almost all sprung up within those first couple years of existence, producers mixing and matching influences from other scenes (reggae! trance! country?), trying to top the charts over their contemporaries with some new angle (oh hi, Maxx). These songs hold up as strong dance-pop because everyone making it kept outdoing each other in this musical arms race. Small surprise acts like 2 Unlimited, Culture Beat, and Dr. Alban are making bank on ‘90s nostalgia tours now. Why Maxx hasn’t gotten in on that action?