So my grandfather died.
This wasn't unexpected, being 97 years old and all. Indeed, the writing was on the wall at least half a decade ago, when he was diagnosed with degenerative kidney failure. Basically told one day, they would simply stop working, and that would be that. More than enough time to 'prepare' for the inevitable, and even had a couple extra years when he was given over to hospice care. I'm not terribly saddened by this outcome, having said all I felt needed to be said to him well before. I honestly felt more of a 'gut-punch' when news came down that Tony Schnur (Thick44) of the Neebs Gaming crew was taken by brain cancer than when I finally got 'The Call' about the state of my Papa's final breath. One doesn't feel as much loss when you know the person who's passed lived about as full and rich a life as anyone could hope for.
Could I have gone visit him more often than I did before the end? Probably, though you can't really blame me for not. The one time I did, he was having something of a delusion, thinking he was Babe Ruth needing to get to Wrigley Field in Chicago. I humoured him some, even got the nurses on hand to let me wheel him around the block for a bit before he got so angry at me for not getting him to the “fucking airport”, he essentially shut down in a huff. So I caught him on a 'bad day', just unfortunate luck of the draw. Still, I cannot deny it left me shook, realizing I couldn't bare to see him like that again. I'd see him in a more placid state at some family gatherings, but one-on-one? That was it. (side note: the day I
did see him having his episode was October 1, 2022, exactly 90 years after Babe Ruth did his famous Called Shot at Wrigley Field – talk about coincidences!)
Some time passed, then I had a... hunch? Intuition? Pent-up guilt? Whatever it was, I felt I should go see him, even if he was doing nothing but resting in the hospice. Sure enough, he was in a deep sleep, perhaps stirring a little as I talked with his wife (my step-grandma) and daughter (married in). We tried to wake him, but he was out like a light. I sensed he was in some lucid dream state, able to hear us but other images playing out in his remaining memories. Before we left, I gave him a single, gentle touch to his head, telling him to rest well. Two days later he was gone.
So why bring all this up on a blog dedicated to covering (mostly) electronic music? Well, this
is a blog, right, as in, a platform to share personal thoughts? That
was the intent of these platforms, before folks started monetizing it. More than that though, I feel I owe it to Papa, to use this platform to share some thoughts about him, for truth of the matter is, without him, I may not even be where I am today.
Many, many moons ago, I was at bottom's end, having tried to make a new life work and miserably failing in the process. I saw only four options ahead of me: stick things out in the dire straights I was, go back to my hometown with my tail between my legs (another dead-end as far as I was concerned), give my grandpa a call and see if I could try my luck in the Lower Mainland, or join the army. I went with option number three. The timing was perfect for him, as he needed someone to house-sit while they went on a two month vacation. He said I could stay rent-free for those two months, after which I needed to be working and able to earn my keep while I rebuilt my life. I had a job within two days, and here I am today, all the better for it. Maybe I eventually would have gotten my shit together some other way, but at the time, he gave me the lifeline I needed when I had no other.
So, with nothing more than some personals in a back-pack and a garbage bag full of clothes, I took the Greyhound bus to Vancouver. Funnily, hilariously, kinda' stupidly, I missed my transfer in Chilliwack (one of the Fraser Valley stops), and was stranded. I had to call Papa to come 'rescue me' at the bus depot. I have no idea how he knew where to find the Greyhound station, but after nearly an hour of waiting, he picked me up. Talk about your auspicious starts to a 'new beginning'. And it wasn't the last time he'd be there to help me 'start anew' when I had no one else to turn to.
When I look back though, he was always there to help give me little 'boosts' in growing up. He taught me to play Cribbage at a young age, giving me quite the advantage over my classmates in the multiple ways to add up to fifteen and thirty-one. He got me to appreciate classical music, learning how to let one's imagination do the storytelling as I played back some of his 8-track tapes. Heck, my habit of using the CBC Radio as my morning alarm was likely instilled from memories of him waking up early morning, listening to CBC Radio while prepping his coffee and toast. I just assumed that's what you did as you matured.
In the end though, there was one particular life lesson I received from him early on, perhaps the greatest that's stuck with me since I was a wee chile'. It's perfectly fine to be content with your surroundings and your life, no shame in that. Yet sometimes calamity can befall you at any given time, irrevocably changing things you could never have anticipated or prepared for. This doesn't have to be a tragedy though, indeed maybe a change that results in something better, to grow from, with new possibilities before you. He told me this life lesson in the form of a nursery rhyme:
A peanut sat on a railroad track
Waiting for its supper
Along came a choo-choo train...
*choo-choo*
Peanut butter